[ every impossible storybook fairytale she's ever heard — when ana kuya and the others had bothered to read to the children at all, between bouts of chores that wore their hands to the bone — comes rushing back to her in a flood. gruesome, nikolai had called them; it's blood and violence she thinks of now, watching the bright lights catch on the flash of his teeth. a smile, to eyes that don't know better. but aleksander's will see it for the warning that it is, an animal baring fangs at another.
all the better to eat you with, my dear.
she laughs with the absurdity of it all, convinced she's gone half-mad with grief as aleksander's eyes pierce through her, finally fracturing beneath the strain of the world. aleksander will undoubtedly paint nikolai as the villain of the piece once they've left, but for all that alina has become disillusioned with fairytale romances and concepts like fate, she knows one fact to be true: it's villains that lock away martyrs and throw away the key. if prince charmings were ever real, then it's stupid, fearless nikolai that broke the lock and freed her when she couldn't find the strength to do it herself.
the eyes that bore into her spine fade away as they disappear into the night, some of the tension evaporating from her shoulders. maybe it's the fresh air, now that she's remembered to breathe; maybe it's the ironclad grip she has on nikolai's hand, the leather creaking beneath her fingers, as she holds onto him like a lifeline. whatever it is, alina's face tilts up toward the sky, letting the moonlight and ocean air breeze over her skin. a scent that reminds her of nikolai when she instinctively presses her cheek into his shoulder, covertly dragging him into her lungs, as they walk. ]
Don't blame yourself. [ it's meant for him, but she murmurs it into the blanket of night. ] I was the one who told you not to come, and I was the one who wore that thing and let him parade me around like —
[ she cuts herself off, the silence sharp with everything she leaves unsaid, all of the self-loathing and regret that fills the spaces between them. the boardwalk lights shimmer off of the water, highlighting the corners of her thoughtful frown. i thought i had to do it alone, she could say, justifying every choice she's made for herself. for others. instead, she closes her eyes and exhales slowly, trying to settle her still-hammering pulse. ]
I think I changed my mind about fairytale love. Maybe it's real. Maybe princes do exist, sometimes. [ she doesn't dare chance a glimpse at him, letting her eyes wander over the quiet waves. ] You're always trying to rescue me when you shouldn't have to.
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all the better to eat you with, my dear.
she laughs with the absurdity of it all, convinced she's gone half-mad with grief as aleksander's eyes pierce through her, finally fracturing beneath the strain of the world. aleksander will undoubtedly paint nikolai as the villain of the piece once they've left, but for all that alina has become disillusioned with fairytale romances and concepts like fate, she knows one fact to be true: it's villains that lock away martyrs and throw away the key. if prince charmings were ever real, then it's stupid, fearless nikolai that broke the lock and freed her when she couldn't find the strength to do it herself.
the eyes that bore into her spine fade away as they disappear into the night, some of the tension evaporating from her shoulders. maybe it's the fresh air, now that she's remembered to breathe; maybe it's the ironclad grip she has on nikolai's hand, the leather creaking beneath her fingers, as she holds onto him like a lifeline. whatever it is, alina's face tilts up toward the sky, letting the moonlight and ocean air breeze over her skin. a scent that reminds her of nikolai when she instinctively presses her cheek into his shoulder, covertly dragging him into her lungs, as they walk. ]
Don't blame yourself. [ it's meant for him, but she murmurs it into the blanket of night. ] I was the one who told you not to come, and I was the one who wore that thing and let him parade me around like —
[ she cuts herself off, the silence sharp with everything she leaves unsaid, all of the self-loathing and regret that fills the spaces between them. the boardwalk lights shimmer off of the water, highlighting the corners of her thoughtful frown. i thought i had to do it alone, she could say, justifying every choice she's made for herself. for others. instead, she closes her eyes and exhales slowly, trying to settle her still-hammering pulse. ]
I think I changed my mind about fairytale love. Maybe it's real. Maybe princes do exist, sometimes. [ she doesn't dare chance a glimpse at him, letting her eyes wander over the quiet waves. ] You're always trying to rescue me when you shouldn't have to.