[ there's something about the way alina looks at him that makes him feel as though she's constantly trying to understand some contradictory thing about him — why he's one way here and another way there, perhaps, but he's been this way for as long as he can remember. a mischievous child always getting into trouble, until he met dominik and realized for the first time that his rash choices could have dire consequences. from then on he's always tried to do better, to adjust and to adapt to every situation, to say and do the things he knows he has to in order to reach his desired outcome, whether it's protecting someone or gaining the upper hand or trying to fill ravka's depleted coffers.
it isn't fabricating a part of himself. it's simply the way his mind works, the way he sees the world, the way he navigates it. some may call it lying or deception. nikolai doesn't call it anything at all.
the pounding in his skull is mostly forgotten, relegated to the back of his mind to make room for more pressing thoughts, like the warmth of alina's tongue and the unmistakable bite of her teeth. the cloying taste of sweet apple sticks in his mouth, although he doesn't mind it, because he knows alina's mouth, should he taste it in this moment, would hold the same flavored notes. he wants to kiss her apple-sweet lips, but doesn't want her to think that that is the sole reason he invited her into his bed, because for all the relationship skills he lacks, he does at least know that reducing anyone to a mere object is never a good look.
he touches his finger back to his own mouth when she releases him, sucking away the barest hint of sweetness from the tip. ]
I'm far too likable to be poisoned. You should know this.
[ he turns, busying himself with the tray once more as he spreads jam across two pieces of bread and hands one to alina. it's a curious scene, sharing breakfast in bed, and he wonders if it will ever be repeated or if this is the only moment like this that he'll get with her. ]
The rumors have officially started, you know. I hope you're prepared for all of the curious and possibly resentful stares you're going to get. [ he offers a bright smile. ] I've learned the easiest way to deal with them is to tell yourself that it's all for your own entertainment. Then it hardly seems so bad.
no subject
it isn't fabricating a part of himself. it's simply the way his mind works, the way he sees the world, the way he navigates it. some may call it lying or deception. nikolai doesn't call it anything at all.
the pounding in his skull is mostly forgotten, relegated to the back of his mind to make room for more pressing thoughts, like the warmth of alina's tongue and the unmistakable bite of her teeth. the cloying taste of sweet apple sticks in his mouth, although he doesn't mind it, because he knows alina's mouth, should he taste it in this moment, would hold the same flavored notes. he wants to kiss her apple-sweet lips, but doesn't want her to think that that is the sole reason he invited her into his bed, because for all the relationship skills he lacks, he does at least know that reducing anyone to a mere object is never a good look.
he touches his finger back to his own mouth when she releases him, sucking away the barest hint of sweetness from the tip. ]
I'm far too likable to be poisoned. You should know this.
[ he turns, busying himself with the tray once more as he spreads jam across two pieces of bread and hands one to alina. it's a curious scene, sharing breakfast in bed, and he wonders if it will ever be repeated or if this is the only moment like this that he'll get with her. ]
The rumors have officially started, you know. I hope you're prepared for all of the curious and possibly resentful stares you're going to get. [ he offers a bright smile. ] I've learned the easiest way to deal with them is to tell yourself that it's all for your own entertainment. Then it hardly seems so bad.