[ another smile flashes across his face, sweetly sincere, savoring the warm fingers at his back. it's good to look at kaz like this, pleased at his win, maybe happy in this moment. through the haze of the brandy it's easy to think they can always be this happy, if only history hasn't proven them wrong so many times. their kisses steal back the long weeks and months lost between them, anchoring him here until the moment kaz says what he's expecting. i can't keep you. better for him to give him the truth.
what comes next sounds strangely faraway, a promise he wants to hold onto even while it slips through his fingers. but i can come find you. he wants him to beg him not to, that it's even worse that he would do that. doesn't know the horrors he might find. a heavy breath spools out of him, his hand twisting in kaz's shirt, dragging higher to tug at the back of his collar, his mouth finding the shell of his ear. his voice drops to a cold whisper, at odds with the life normally found in nikolai's tone, still as a cold lake. ]
It's dangerous to go looking for monsters, Brekker. [ kaz's pulse hammers through him, his heartbeat deafening. he'd find him anywhere, go to any cursed corner of the world, put himself through the worst harm just to bring him back. just as he'd done for the heart. nikolai's eyes crack open to reveal a sliver of smooth black, wisps of darkness playing over his skin. ] You can't save him any more than you could save your brother.
[ tendrils of black brush kaz's cheek, sinking him into watery depths, the darkened harbor brimming with rotting bodies. nikolai's hand, sharp and clawed, bears down tightly at the back of his neck so that he can't break free, fangs scraping the soft skin of his cheek. his blood is so close he can taste it on his tongue, yearning for its warmth to fill him, but he turns away, dizzy with need and desire, blinking green-gold in the dim light. his hand — scarred but not clawed — cards gently into kaz's hair, a quiet breath turning into a soft smile, the darkness gone as if it was never there. ]
Sleep eludes me these days, unless I'm bound. [ a hushed confession, unlikely to ever be repeated sober, his voice warm and familiar. he twists his wrist above his head, glancing up briefly before leaning in to press his mouth to kaz's, sliding his hand down to brace at his back. ] And I so desperately want to fall asleep with you. [ but he feels a tremor through kaz's body, tension in his kiss. nikolai tries to focus, loosening his grip. ] What is it?
no subject
what comes next sounds strangely faraway, a promise he wants to hold onto even while it slips through his fingers. but i can come find you. he wants him to beg him not to, that it's even worse that he would do that. doesn't know the horrors he might find. a heavy breath spools out of him, his hand twisting in kaz's shirt, dragging higher to tug at the back of his collar, his mouth finding the shell of his ear. his voice drops to a cold whisper, at odds with the life normally found in nikolai's tone, still as a cold lake. ]
It's dangerous to go looking for monsters, Brekker. [ kaz's pulse hammers through him, his heartbeat deafening. he'd find him anywhere, go to any cursed corner of the world, put himself through the worst harm just to bring him back. just as he'd done for the heart. nikolai's eyes crack open to reveal a sliver of smooth black, wisps of darkness playing over his skin. ] You can't save him any more than you could save your brother.
[ tendrils of black brush kaz's cheek, sinking him into watery depths, the darkened harbor brimming with rotting bodies. nikolai's hand, sharp and clawed, bears down tightly at the back of his neck so that he can't break free, fangs scraping the soft skin of his cheek. his blood is so close he can taste it on his tongue, yearning for its warmth to fill him, but he turns away, dizzy with need and desire, blinking green-gold in the dim light. his hand — scarred but not clawed — cards gently into kaz's hair, a quiet breath turning into a soft smile, the darkness gone as if it was never there. ]
Sleep eludes me these days, unless I'm bound. [ a hushed confession, unlikely to ever be repeated sober, his voice warm and familiar. he twists his wrist above his head, glancing up briefly before leaning in to press his mouth to kaz's, sliding his hand down to brace at his back. ] And I so desperately want to fall asleep with you. [ but he feels a tremor through kaz's body, tension in his kiss. nikolai tries to focus, loosening his grip. ] What is it?