[ something so simple as alina's gaze makes him absurdly nervous. he's used to crowds of eyes on him, enjoys the attention, even, but this is nothing like what he's used to. this level of scrutiny, this close, this intimate — it sets him on edge in a way he's never felt before. perhaps because he's never felt this before, the way he feels about alina. even with dominik it was different. he was a familiar presence at his side for so much of his life that when they finally named what it was between them, it felt natural.
he was used to dominik seeing the rough-hewn parts of him. but with alina, it's new. she's seen sturmhond and she's seen the prince. she hasn't seen nikolai running on too little sleep, or nikolai when he's backed into a corner, or nikolai when he feels like nothing but a bastard and a fraud. nikolai the charming prince always knows what to say, but perhaps she doesn't know that the cost of that is running through dozens of scenarios at once, thinking of every possible outcome, analyzing all the ways any given situation can go wrong. his brain never turns off, and it's overwhelming at times, though he's taught himself to simply smile through it.
he fixates on what alina might be seeing, what she might be thinking, and — as if he needs even more thoughts in his head — he wishes he was a mind-reader. he grins at her words, immediately recognizing the truth in them and wondering if it's even possible for people like them to come together and reach a point where no secrets remain between them.
he doesn't know. it's hardly happened before, and even when it did, the price dominik paid was far too high.
still. there is a certain thrill in being pushed onto his back with a handful of alina on top of him. he reaches up and brushes back the veil of her hair, tucking it behind one ear so he can see her face, and it once again strikes him just how pretty she is. he tilts his mouth up to kiss her gently, his hand settling at the curve of her back. ]
Is it? I suppose you'll have to punish me then. [ he smiles, his own duties not forgotten but very much ignored as he intentionally pushes them out of mind. ] I admit that you'll probably have to do quite a lot of that as we get closer. I find rules difficult to follow.
dw against our shipping agenda, how rude
he was used to dominik seeing the rough-hewn parts of him. but with alina, it's new. she's seen sturmhond and she's seen the prince. she hasn't seen nikolai running on too little sleep, or nikolai when he's backed into a corner, or nikolai when he feels like nothing but a bastard and a fraud. nikolai the charming prince always knows what to say, but perhaps she doesn't know that the cost of that is running through dozens of scenarios at once, thinking of every possible outcome, analyzing all the ways any given situation can go wrong. his brain never turns off, and it's overwhelming at times, though he's taught himself to simply smile through it.
he fixates on what alina might be seeing, what she might be thinking, and — as if he needs even more thoughts in his head — he wishes he was a mind-reader. he grins at her words, immediately recognizing the truth in them and wondering if it's even possible for people like them to come together and reach a point where no secrets remain between them.
he doesn't know. it's hardly happened before, and even when it did, the price dominik paid was far too high.
still. there is a certain thrill in being pushed onto his back with a handful of alina on top of him. he reaches up and brushes back the veil of her hair, tucking it behind one ear so he can see her face, and it once again strikes him just how pretty she is. he tilts his mouth up to kiss her gently, his hand settling at the curve of her back. ]
Is it? I suppose you'll have to punish me then. [ he smiles, his own duties not forgotten but very much ignored as he intentionally pushes them out of mind. ] I admit that you'll probably have to do quite a lot of that as we get closer. I find rules difficult to follow.