[ the answer he receives is the one he suspects has been true all along. the darkling isn't one to let go of his precious things, and alina has clearly become one of them. to escape his grasp is no small feat, although now he sees the toll this secret has taken on her. perhaps she thought he would react poorly. that he would look at her as some sullied being, fooled into captivity by a powerful man with a dangerous sort of charm. in truth he is only bothered that he didn't have all the pieces of the puzzle to begin with.
he knows what this darkness is now, and he selfishly feels less alone to know that she does as well.
the wound at her shoulder is a clear marking of the darkness and decay that follows the darkling's touch. nikolai says nothing as he studies it with a thoughtful gaze, his eyes rising to meet hers when she turns, standing before him. ]
You don't have to be a hero or a saint. All that matters is that the people believe you are. [ he runs a weary hand down his face, then through his still damp hair, curling around his ears. ] Keeping up appearances is half the job. You've likely realized that while I was gone.
[ a sigh escapes him as he rests his cheek in one hand, his eyes briefly closing. he can't do this without alina. he forces his overworked brain to think, to come up with something cleverly convincing, something that will make her believe in him again, but in this moment he hardly believes in himself. he pinches the bridge of his nose, his head pulsing. ]
Are we keeping secrets from each other now? [ he lets his hand drop to the table, idly running his thumb along his scars. ] I told you I wouldn't lie to you, so here's the truth: I need you to be a pawn in this game no matter how much you chafe beneath it. Do I feel ready to wed? No. I expect you feel the same. But this is bigger than the both of us. Pulling this country out from beneath the Darkling's grasp has to be more important than the dreams and desires we've held onto for ourselves. Our alliance is necessary, whether we feel ready or not.
[ he pauses here, looking up again as he bites his lip in an uncharacteristic moment of hesitation. he still thinks she looks lovely like this, only this time he wants to propel the thought right out of his head. ]
It won't be like it could have been. [ he holds her gaze, wishing he could summon even an ounce of optimism, but he's bled completely dry. ] The monster changes things. So does what you've done. I'm not in any position to be a suitable husband to you, so we will marry in name only. Enter into this alliance with me, Alina. I can't sacrifice an entire country for something as insignificant as my own sentimentality, and I think if you look deep within yourself, you'll find that you feel the same. I still believe in your goodness, no matter what has transpired between us.
no subject
he knows what this darkness is now, and he selfishly feels less alone to know that she does as well.
the wound at her shoulder is a clear marking of the darkness and decay that follows the darkling's touch. nikolai says nothing as he studies it with a thoughtful gaze, his eyes rising to meet hers when she turns, standing before him. ]
You don't have to be a hero or a saint. All that matters is that the people believe you are. [ he runs a weary hand down his face, then through his still damp hair, curling around his ears. ] Keeping up appearances is half the job. You've likely realized that while I was gone.
[ a sigh escapes him as he rests his cheek in one hand, his eyes briefly closing. he can't do this without alina. he forces his overworked brain to think, to come up with something cleverly convincing, something that will make her believe in him again, but in this moment he hardly believes in himself. he pinches the bridge of his nose, his head pulsing. ]
Are we keeping secrets from each other now? [ he lets his hand drop to the table, idly running his thumb along his scars. ] I told you I wouldn't lie to you, so here's the truth: I need you to be a pawn in this game no matter how much you chafe beneath it. Do I feel ready to wed? No. I expect you feel the same. But this is bigger than the both of us. Pulling this country out from beneath the Darkling's grasp has to be more important than the dreams and desires we've held onto for ourselves. Our alliance is necessary, whether we feel ready or not.
[ he pauses here, looking up again as he bites his lip in an uncharacteristic moment of hesitation. he still thinks she looks lovely like this, only this time he wants to propel the thought right out of his head. ]
It won't be like it could have been. [ he holds her gaze, wishing he could summon even an ounce of optimism, but he's bled completely dry. ] The monster changes things. So does what you've done. I'm not in any position to be a suitable husband to you, so we will marry in name only. Enter into this alliance with me, Alina. I can't sacrifice an entire country for something as insignificant as my own sentimentality, and I think if you look deep within yourself, you'll find that you feel the same. I still believe in your goodness, no matter what has transpired between us.