[ that's the problem with wrapping his words with promises: she's foolish enough to be captivated by them until she peels them back to find what's inside. what he offers is a cage by any other name, gilded and necessary — but a cage, just the same. from the same prince that had held her in contempt for collaring him, no less. it's the punishment she deserves for what she's done, but no amount of guilt can suffocate the unbidden anger that rises.
fury is an easier enemy to tackle than her grief. in name only. it rings in her ears, pounds in her skull, echoes in her chest — as if that, too, is his form of retribution. reminding her of what might have been, in another life. driving her to grieve a wild fantasy that had never truly stood a chance. she feels twice the fool for daring to indulge in that dream, now, chasing after the risks that come with believing in dangerous men.
like any injured animal, lashing out is nothing more than a means of self-preservation. her mouth twists into a hard line, sharpening the iron in her gaze. ]
What I've done is no different than what you would have done, if our places were switched. Because that's what you do, Nikolai. You charm, and you scheme, and you manipulate the world around you like it's all just a game you need to win. You control everyone and everything around you, because the thought of something being outside of your control terrifies you.
[ she laughs — a hollow, humorless sound that frays. she can't stitch herself back together, no matter how she tries. no matter how cruel it is to unleash that sorrowful rage on him. ]
It's no wonder you're so afraid of me. But it doesn't really matter, does it? You get to put a leash on me in return and parade me around Ravka, and you'll use my love for my country to convince me it's the right move.
[ her fingers fly to the chain at the nape of her neck, fiddling with the clasp. they shake too viciously to be graceful in removing it, but it slices cleanly through her to watch the lantsov emerald dangle from the end of it, refracting sunlight as she tosses it down onto his desk. ]
So long as the Darkling still breathes, you'll have your alliance. I'll be whatever pawn you need me to be. But once he's dead and the monster is gone with him, it ends and we go our separate ways. I don't care what you have to tell Ravka to keep them from searching for me.
no subject
fury is an easier enemy to tackle than her grief. in name only. it rings in her ears, pounds in her skull, echoes in her chest — as if that, too, is his form of retribution. reminding her of what might have been, in another life. driving her to grieve a wild fantasy that had never truly stood a chance. she feels twice the fool for daring to indulge in that dream, now, chasing after the risks that come with believing in dangerous men.
like any injured animal, lashing out is nothing more than a means of self-preservation. her mouth twists into a hard line, sharpening the iron in her gaze. ]
What I've done is no different than what you would have done, if our places were switched. Because that's what you do, Nikolai. You charm, and you scheme, and you manipulate the world around you like it's all just a game you need to win. You control everyone and everything around you, because the thought of something being outside of your control terrifies you.
[ she laughs — a hollow, humorless sound that frays. she can't stitch herself back together, no matter how she tries. no matter how cruel it is to unleash that sorrowful rage on him. ]
It's no wonder you're so afraid of me. But it doesn't really matter, does it? You get to put a leash on me in return and parade me around Ravka, and you'll use my love for my country to convince me it's the right move.
[ her fingers fly to the chain at the nape of her neck, fiddling with the clasp. they shake too viciously to be graceful in removing it, but it slices cleanly through her to watch the lantsov emerald dangle from the end of it, refracting sunlight as she tosses it down onto his desk. ]
So long as the Darkling still breathes, you'll have your alliance. I'll be whatever pawn you need me to be. But once he's dead and the monster is gone with him, it ends and we go our separate ways. I don't care what you have to tell Ravka to keep them from searching for me.