[ her voice is a tether that he holds fast to, driftwood in the dark. he listens, or at least he tries to — the monster demands command, but he doesn't let go, not even when he feels her moving his hand across her skin, warm and soft and so familiar as if they're back in his bed, sharing a lazy breakfast and getting crumbs in his sheets. he loses his grip for a moment, his fingers digging sharply into her sternum, hard enough to bruise, but then her mouth is on his and all of his attention goes to the warmth of it. he kisses her greedily, a groan pulled from his throat when she draws blood with her teeth.
it's almost enough to distract from the sudden flare of pain that ignites in his chest — almost, but not quite. again, horror rushes through him at the realization that this is what the monster wants. it wants her light just as nikolai wants her, the comparison too close to be anything other than revolting. his stomach turns, agony mixing into the building pleasure that the monster revels in.
focus on me, nikolai. only me. the words play back in his spinning mind, echoing through him, and he latches onto them once again like a man lost and drowning at sea. he tastes his own blood in his mouth, and beyond that, tastes the tendrils of wrongness refracted in the heat of alina's light. he doesn't know when his knees give out, by they do, pulling the warmth of her mouth out of reach. his face presses against her thigh, his own bleeding mouth leaving stains of blood across the fabric of her clothes.
he thinks it might never be over, but then it suddenly is, his body going slack as the monster retreats deep within him. nikolai just barely catches himself from crumpling to the floor, bracing a hand against the rug beneath him while his lungs adjust to breathing again. he needs an answer to this, some kind of solution that isn't her, because he knows right now he's playing with dangerous fire, and eventually one of them is bound to pay the price, and it will be higher than what they've already given up. ]
Alina. [ he pushes out her name raggedly, his throat like gravel, and tugs at her clothes to get her to come down with him. his hand slides against her jaw, pulling her close as he abruptly kisses her again, blood and all, desperation and longing staining his mouth. his heart feels like it's barely beating, the pulse of it an ache in his chest. it can't be like this. this is the monster's attraction, not his. ] Alina, you have to go. Please.
[ perhaps the absence will be a slow ache, or worse, a type of madness, but this? nothing can be worse than this. breathlessly, he chases her mouth, stopping when they're just a breath apart. ]
I need to be alone. [ maybe it will offer him the clarity to think, but maybe all of his thoughts will be consumed by her whether she's here or not. ] I need to be apart from you. Don't make me keep asking.
no subject
it's almost enough to distract from the sudden flare of pain that ignites in his chest — almost, but not quite. again, horror rushes through him at the realization that this is what the monster wants. it wants her light just as nikolai wants her, the comparison too close to be anything other than revolting. his stomach turns, agony mixing into the building pleasure that the monster revels in.
focus on me, nikolai. only me. the words play back in his spinning mind, echoing through him, and he latches onto them once again like a man lost and drowning at sea. he tastes his own blood in his mouth, and beyond that, tastes the tendrils of wrongness refracted in the heat of alina's light. he doesn't know when his knees give out, by they do, pulling the warmth of her mouth out of reach. his face presses against her thigh, his own bleeding mouth leaving stains of blood across the fabric of her clothes.
he thinks it might never be over, but then it suddenly is, his body going slack as the monster retreats deep within him. nikolai just barely catches himself from crumpling to the floor, bracing a hand against the rug beneath him while his lungs adjust to breathing again. he needs an answer to this, some kind of solution that isn't her, because he knows right now he's playing with dangerous fire, and eventually one of them is bound to pay the price, and it will be higher than what they've already given up. ]
Alina. [ he pushes out her name raggedly, his throat like gravel, and tugs at her clothes to get her to come down with him. his hand slides against her jaw, pulling her close as he abruptly kisses her again, blood and all, desperation and longing staining his mouth. his heart feels like it's barely beating, the pulse of it an ache in his chest. it can't be like this. this is the monster's attraction, not his. ] Alina, you have to go. Please.
[ perhaps the absence will be a slow ache, or worse, a type of madness, but this? nothing can be worse than this. breathlessly, he chases her mouth, stopping when they're just a breath apart. ]
I need to be alone. [ maybe it will offer him the clarity to think, but maybe all of his thoughts will be consumed by her whether she's here or not. ] I need to be apart from you. Don't make me keep asking.