[ it's so much like how he imagined this would always be — their playful dancing, the sound of her laughter, their soft, stolen kisses. it's so perfect that it makes him ache, makes him want to pretend for a moment that this is the real thing, that they've fallen for each other and are eager to wed. the sight of her is breathtaking, just the right amount of light from the flickering candles casting shadows along her face and dancing in her eyes, her hair fanned out like a halo, brushing the floor.
this is what he's always wanted, this moment, this assurance that he won't have to perform for the rest of his life, that he can simply be himself with his bride. gazing into alina's eyes sends a steady ache to his heart, and for a few foolish moments, he latches onto the hope that maybe it can be like this. maybe they can find their way back to each other. maybe he won't lose himself to this monster. maybe he can just want her and not wonder if it's really him or the darkness bleeding through.
he lets go of her hand to brace himself against a shelf when she pulls them down further, and he can't help it when his mouth slides onto hers, remembering the taste of brandy and sweet apple jam like musical notes from another life, another story. one that isn't his to keep. he sweeps her upright, his hand cupping her cheek before he pushes her against the shelf and kisses her again, suddenly breathless, suddenly aching to be near her. several long moments pass before he breaks the kiss, drawing in a deep breath as he tries to steady himself. what was she saying? ]
Honestly — [ he tries for a smile, resting his forehead to hers as he briefly shuts his eyes. ] There was a lot of dropping things from high places. A lot of taking expensive things apart to see how they worked and then making them better — although my mother never really agreed, but she's not one for taste. Dominik's family were common folk, so that's where I learned how to milk a goat, use a plow, and drink moonshine. Those were all counted as troublesome things, but I loved every moment.
[ maybe if he pretends long enough that things are normal then they'll start to seem that way, but he already knows that's a lie. he gasps sharply as his hand suddenly throbs, glancing down to glimpse dark veins spidering along the exposed flesh between the cuff of his sleeve and his glove. his talons suddenly dig into alina's dress, and he snatches his hand away before they can find flesh.
he rips his glove off and grips his wrist, turning away as he wills the throbbing to cease, his fingers nearly black. he screws his eyes shut as his arm shakes, a frustrated breath whizzing between his teeth as he concentrates, finding his focus and forcing the monster back inside of himself. the claws finally retract, leaving his hand stiff and aching, and then he sags against a bookshelf, trying to catch his breath.
of course it would be like this. nikolai is reminded once again of the very real possibility that he might never be able to be close to alina without this happening. ]
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this is what he's always wanted, this moment, this assurance that he won't have to perform for the rest of his life, that he can simply be himself with his bride. gazing into alina's eyes sends a steady ache to his heart, and for a few foolish moments, he latches onto the hope that maybe it can be like this. maybe they can find their way back to each other. maybe he won't lose himself to this monster. maybe he can just want her and not wonder if it's really him or the darkness bleeding through.
he lets go of her hand to brace himself against a shelf when she pulls them down further, and he can't help it when his mouth slides onto hers, remembering the taste of brandy and sweet apple jam like musical notes from another life, another story. one that isn't his to keep. he sweeps her upright, his hand cupping her cheek before he pushes her against the shelf and kisses her again, suddenly breathless, suddenly aching to be near her. several long moments pass before he breaks the kiss, drawing in a deep breath as he tries to steady himself. what was she saying? ]
Honestly — [ he tries for a smile, resting his forehead to hers as he briefly shuts his eyes. ] There was a lot of dropping things from high places. A lot of taking expensive things apart to see how they worked and then making them better — although my mother never really agreed, but she's not one for taste. Dominik's family were common folk, so that's where I learned how to milk a goat, use a plow, and drink moonshine. Those were all counted as troublesome things, but I loved every moment.
[ maybe if he pretends long enough that things are normal then they'll start to seem that way, but he already knows that's a lie. he gasps sharply as his hand suddenly throbs, glancing down to glimpse dark veins spidering along the exposed flesh between the cuff of his sleeve and his glove. his talons suddenly dig into alina's dress, and he snatches his hand away before they can find flesh.
he rips his glove off and grips his wrist, turning away as he wills the throbbing to cease, his fingers nearly black. he screws his eyes shut as his arm shakes, a frustrated breath whizzing between his teeth as he concentrates, finding his focus and forcing the monster back inside of himself. the claws finally retract, leaving his hand stiff and aching, and then he sags against a bookshelf, trying to catch his breath.
of course it would be like this. nikolai is reminded once again of the very real possibility that he might never be able to be close to alina without this happening. ]
Are you hurt?