[ it turns out that he doesn't have to wait. alina comes to him, and it strikes him how right it all feels that it happens this way, that he doesn't have to wonder how much of this is going along with his motions, caught in the upward cycle that his life tends to be. nikolai is confident in many things, but when it comes down to it, he lacks experience in matters of the heart. the timing has never been right, not once in his life, but maybe — maybe this can be.

the promise that he’s the only one she’s thinking of spurs him into action, meeting her gaze when she breaks the initial kiss. there’s a smile in his eyes, one that he hopes is reassuring. he believes her and he wants this, so much that his hand grazes her jaw when he leans in and kisses her again, traveling gently into her hair and pushing against the nape of her neck, where he finds her skin warm and damp. his thumb slides against the delicate bones of her throat, and he wonders, briefly, what it would be like to wake up to this every morning.

it could be marvelous. it could be a nightmare. presently, it takes just a few seconds more to stop caring, too focused on the warmth of her mouth and the softness of her skin. something gives way in his chest, a yearning that’s been there since the first time he felt her lips and wished that she wanted his the same. a soft breath pushes out of him, both hands now carefully cradling her jaw as he maps out the shape of her mouth, tasting the heavy sweetness of cake and brandy and wondering if he’ll ever be able to drink this again without thinking of this moment. ]

Alina. [ he whispers it against her mouth, a slight tremor in his fingers as he curls his knuckles to her cheek. gently, he lowers his hand to find hers, something careful and slightly hesitant in the way he tangles their fingers together. ] I can’t promise you everything, but I do promise to always try to be what you need. Whatever that may be. And no matter how many times it might change.