[ perhaps not intentionally so, but — the consequences of that choice are there, all the same: incidental retaliation, for her refusal to do as nikolai wishes. ]
I see. You had no issue using me as you please to cure your condition and secure your throne, but my involvement isn't necessary. Nor is my agreement to your choice to use me as a bargaining chip, apparently.
Perhaps your truce with the Darkling will go well after all, since you seem so keen to follow his example. Obviously I've worried for no reason.
Edited (my grasp on the english language at 9 am does not exist) 2023-10-07 13:48 (UTC)
it’s not. i may have a part of him inside of me, but i’m not him.
[ the sudden weight of having to say such a thing hits him like bricks on his shoulders, the fear that it could one day become true, that he might not be himself anymore twisting his insides. ]
i only asked because i can’t trust anyone but you. i wasn’t ordering you as my queen. i was asking as a friend. but i don’t know if we ever were that. i think i misconstrued all of this from the start. your duties are to our country. not to me. think about the grisha in ravka and i’ll think about curing my condition so that i can support you.
What's best for my country and its people is for the Darkling not to be breathing down its neck, or whispering poison into its ear. Because you are Ravka, whether you like it or not. The two are not mutually exclusive.
[ the same as her, truly. would their country accept her on a solitary throne, were nikolai to spiral into a mad descent? unlikely, she thinks; for all that they had canonized her as a saintly idea, it had still taken the protection of a non-grisha to stymie their outpouring of fear. ]
Is that how one shows friendship and support? Consorting with someone's enemy behind their back? Perhaps you'd like to invite drüskelle to the table next. At least then I'll see the blade coming from my front.
he's not just your enemy. what you haven't learned is to stop your hurts and anger from clouding your judgment and lashing out at the ones who are also trying to stand by your side. i'm sorry i didn't tell you i approached the darkling during the last mission. it wasn't exactly planned. but i'm not closing the door on anything that could help me understand how to control the thing inside of me. there's too much at stake for me for me to say no to this. i don't know what happened to you that made you mistrust people even more than when i last saw you, but i won't trade you for answers, either.
Fuck you, Nikolai. Zoya and Genya would be no kinder, were they to hear what you've done. What you plan to do.
[ short and sweet. nothing more needs to be said to a man that would utilize her past pain against her, manipulate her to see herself as the source of the issue. ]
Congratulations are in order, I suppose. You've traded one alliance for another. Enjoy having the Darkling by your side.
alina, that's the thing about being on the throne. you can't possibly fight every battle. sometimes you have to bend. that's the mistake every lantsov made, and look where we are now. pride was always more important to them than outthinking a problem, and they let fear and anger rule their entire lives. i'm not saying not to feel those things. i feel them too. but don't let them make you believe that i'm not on your side.
Fear and anger don't make me believe those things. My experiences do. Your actions do. For someone so vain, I would've thought you had the capacity for looking in the mirror. But look at you. You get to make new, horrible mistakes in the Lantsov name.
I've nothing more to say to you. Listening to you try to spin justifications is, frankly, nauseating. For your sake, I hope your rotten little deal proves worth it.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[ perhaps not intentionally so, but — the consequences of that choice are there, all the same: incidental retaliation, for her refusal to do as nikolai wishes. ]
I see. You had no issue using me as you please to cure your condition and secure your throne, but my involvement isn't necessary. Nor is my agreement to your choice to use me as a bargaining chip, apparently.
Perhaps your truce with the Darkling will go well after all, since you seem so keen to follow his example.
Obviously I've worried for no reason.
no subject
i may have a part of him inside of me, but i’m not him.
[ the sudden weight of having to say such a thing hits him like bricks on his shoulders, the fear that it could one day become true, that he might not be himself anymore twisting his insides. ]
i only asked because i can’t trust anyone but you. i wasn’t ordering you as my queen. i was asking as a friend.
but i don’t know if we ever were that. i think i misconstrued all of this from the start.
your duties are to our country. not to me. think about the grisha in ravka and i’ll think about curing my condition so that i can support you.
no subject
[ the same as her, truly. would their country accept her on a solitary throne, were nikolai to spiral into a mad descent? unlikely, she thinks; for all that they had canonized her as a saintly idea, it had still taken the protection of a non-grisha to stymie their outpouring of fear. ]
Is that how one shows friendship and support? Consorting with someone's enemy behind their back?
Perhaps you'd like to invite drüskelle to the table next. At least then I'll see the blade coming from my front.
no subject
i'm sorry i didn't tell you i approached the darkling during the last mission. it wasn't exactly planned. but i'm not closing the door on anything that could help me understand how to control the thing inside of me. there's too much at stake for me for me to say no to this.
i don't know what happened to you that made you mistrust people even more than when i last saw you, but i won't trade you for answers, either.
no subject
Zoya and Genya would be no kinder, were they to hear what you've done. What you plan to do.
[ short and sweet. nothing more needs to be said to a man that would utilize her past pain against her, manipulate her to see herself as the source of the issue. ]
Congratulations are in order, I suppose. You've traded one alliance for another.
Enjoy having the Darkling by your side.
no subject
that's the mistake every lantsov made, and look where we are now. pride was always more important to them than outthinking a problem, and they let fear and anger rule their entire lives.
i'm not saying not to feel those things. i feel them too. but don't let them make you believe that i'm not on your side.
no subject
For someone so vain, I would've thought you had the capacity for looking in the mirror.
But look at you. You get to make new, horrible mistakes in the Lantsov name.
I've nothing more to say to you. Listening to you try to spin justifications is, frankly, nauseating.
For your sake, I hope your rotten little deal proves worth it.
no subject
well, on top of being the most handsome, i am the most innovative of the bunch.
yaromir only gets credit because he was the first.
no subject
✔✔ Read
[ war crime levels of emotional damage. ]