[ he holds back through the sheer force of his iron will, stubbornly unwilling to let this moment end. it's not enough. he suspects even breaking kaz open and allowing all the dark, glittering parts of him to see the light still wouldn't be enough to match the longing he feels for him. he wants him in his arms always, wants to see his gloomy scowls, wants to feel his nimble fingers at work. still wants him in his bed, just for one night. all the things he can't have, shouldn't have, not when he's unraveling so rapidly, hands and teeth stained with blood. the pull between them is too taut now. the thought of letting go devastates him.
but he can't hold onto him like this, can't dig his claws in and keep him out of his own selfish need. he'll wake up one day and find kaz's broken body beneath him. already knows the taste of his blood and the give of his flesh and muscle beneath the rend of his black-tipped talons. he tries to put the thought out of his head, but it runs parallel to his desire, a sharp ache that colors the pleasure begging to spill over, amplified by the way kaz touches him and allows the truth to fall from his lips. demanding, greedy, brave. it's a shock to hear it from kaz, his faults mixed with the good, somehow making it all sound worthy of his affection. ]
You want to? [ a soft little mockery, a breathless laugh as he finds his mouth and kisses him as if he isn't afraid and doesn't feel tiny fractures growing in his heart — not a new feeling, but it hurts worse every time. pressure builds, his hips growing erratic, a moan dragged from his lips. please touch me, so raw that it aches, his begging as jarring as it is arresting. how can he go without this, without kaz in his orbit? why does he have to give up everything? why does morning always have to come?
kaz's muscles clench, and it's too much, his hand roughly stripping his cock, reveling in the broken sounds kaz makes for him. he can feel kaz's orgasm grip his body, holding him taut, and with a flick of his wrist he sends him over the edge, watching in greedy fascination as kaz shudders in his arms, spilling wet between them. it's enough that he can't hold on any longer, the contraction of his muscles too tight, and nikolai gasps out a breath, burying his face in kaz's throat with a drawn-out groan as he comes inside of him. it's impossibly good, the pulsing heat of kaz's body, the way they both cling to each other as if they'll otherwise fall apart. he will. he needs this moment to last, needs to hold on for as long as he can, because there is nothing good coming after this.
on his side, he brings kaz back down to the bed, arm drawn tightly around his waist as he kisses him, still pushed deep inside of him as his cock softens, tremors moving through his body. his hand slides between kaz's legs when he does draw his hips away, fingers pushing shallowly inside of him to smear through the leaking wetness traveling down his thigh. ]
You could stay. [ soft, quiet nonsense. things bubbling out of him that have no real place to go. his jagged breath catches. ] You and me on the sea together. We don't ever have to go back. Just... together every night. Having adventures every day. The perfect sort of life. [ he swallows, lifting a hand to curl through kaz's hair, fingers gliding gently along the sweat at his temples. his thumb brushes the color at his cheek before he leans in, pressing his lips to the corner of his mouth. a whisper — ] Just say yes. Just... say you want to as badly as I do.
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but he can't hold onto him like this, can't dig his claws in and keep him out of his own selfish need. he'll wake up one day and find kaz's broken body beneath him. already knows the taste of his blood and the give of his flesh and muscle beneath the rend of his black-tipped talons. he tries to put the thought out of his head, but it runs parallel to his desire, a sharp ache that colors the pleasure begging to spill over, amplified by the way kaz touches him and allows the truth to fall from his lips. demanding, greedy, brave. it's a shock to hear it from kaz, his faults mixed with the good, somehow making it all sound worthy of his affection. ]
You want to? [ a soft little mockery, a breathless laugh as he finds his mouth and kisses him as if he isn't afraid and doesn't feel tiny fractures growing in his heart — not a new feeling, but it hurts worse every time. pressure builds, his hips growing erratic, a moan dragged from his lips. please touch me, so raw that it aches, his begging as jarring as it is arresting. how can he go without this, without kaz in his orbit? why does he have to give up everything? why does morning always have to come?
kaz's muscles clench, and it's too much, his hand roughly stripping his cock, reveling in the broken sounds kaz makes for him. he can feel kaz's orgasm grip his body, holding him taut, and with a flick of his wrist he sends him over the edge, watching in greedy fascination as kaz shudders in his arms, spilling wet between them. it's enough that he can't hold on any longer, the contraction of his muscles too tight, and nikolai gasps out a breath, burying his face in kaz's throat with a drawn-out groan as he comes inside of him. it's impossibly good, the pulsing heat of kaz's body, the way they both cling to each other as if they'll otherwise fall apart. he will. he needs this moment to last, needs to hold on for as long as he can, because there is nothing good coming after this.
on his side, he brings kaz back down to the bed, arm drawn tightly around his waist as he kisses him, still pushed deep inside of him as his cock softens, tremors moving through his body. his hand slides between kaz's legs when he does draw his hips away, fingers pushing shallowly inside of him to smear through the leaking wetness traveling down his thigh. ]
You could stay. [ soft, quiet nonsense. things bubbling out of him that have no real place to go. his jagged breath catches. ] You and me on the sea together. We don't ever have to go back. Just... together every night. Having adventures every day. The perfect sort of life. [ he swallows, lifting a hand to curl through kaz's hair, fingers gliding gently along the sweat at his temples. his thumb brushes the color at his cheek before he leans in, pressing his lips to the corner of his mouth. a whisper — ] Just say yes. Just... say you want to as badly as I do.