[ he always wants to stay in this moment, warm and desperate and painful as it is, a fragile bubble, an impossible dream. this moment where kaz is bared and vulnerable in his arms, unused to the way his own desires flush his skin, sharing his rare, gentle smiles with him. this moment where kaz kisses him freely, touches him with abandon. when will this come again? nikolai curves closer to him, a sigh pulled from his chest as he smiles softly, carefully. he doesn't want to break this bubble, not yet. ]
You and the sun just haven't made friends yet. [ never mind that they likely will never make friends, but nikolai will always be fond of the way the sunlight looks against kaz's skin anyway. having kaz at sea with him has been an unexpected gift, one he never expected to be so devastated to lose. never expected many things about this — kaz in his bed, kaz in his arms, kaz's mouth pressed against his own. can barely remember how this all began, with the startling knowledge of kaz's inability to touch others, and now he can't bear the idea of letting him go. ] I'm afraid I don't have any more kingdoms to offer to sweeten the deal, but you seem to enjoy my other talents.
[ he crooks his fingers inside of him to demonstrate, a slick, lazy motion as he chases his kiss indulgently. could do this all night since he doesn't plan to sleep, but as he's released from the grips of pleasure and floats back down to unrelenting reality, he's thinking now of their long days spent apart, of the state he left kaz in and all the unknowns since then. he traces the bandages at his shoulder and up his neck, at his thigh, the bruises imprinted into his pale skin beside old scars and corded muscle. kaz goes too far for him every time. one person can only manufacture so much luck. better then, that this is at an end — a bitter truth he'll have to swallow down many times before he can make himself believe it. ]
What did you do to get the heart? [ how many times did he face death? how many people did he kill? a silly thing for nikolai to concern himself with when his hands are so stained with blood, but he worries all the same. what if he hadn't come back? he wants the crown to be done with sending kaz brekker on jobs like this, ravka's future be damned. he'll find another way. he always has. wet fingers pull out of him, tracing his thigh, ghosting along the softness of his cock. he leaves a damp trail along the silhouette of his torso, sketching the neat lines of his body. he's never put his mind to drawing a person before. ] You can rest now. I know you haven't taken the time to in days.
[ another fantasy, too twisted to be real, but it's what they have. he kisses him again softly, quieting any protest that kaz might think to give, tightening his arm around his waist. ] I don't know when I'll see you again. [ a quiet whisper, the unraveling of another truth he doesn't want to face. but worse than not knowing when he might see him again is the thought that kaz might shutter himself away once more, locking all of his wants into that quiet, untended place inside of him. his fingertips trace the line of his brows, skim down one sharp cheekbone. ] Regardless, you should still try and get some sun every once in a while. It suits you more than you think.
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You and the sun just haven't made friends yet. [ never mind that they likely will never make friends, but nikolai will always be fond of the way the sunlight looks against kaz's skin anyway. having kaz at sea with him has been an unexpected gift, one he never expected to be so devastated to lose. never expected many things about this — kaz in his bed, kaz in his arms, kaz's mouth pressed against his own. can barely remember how this all began, with the startling knowledge of kaz's inability to touch others, and now he can't bear the idea of letting him go. ] I'm afraid I don't have any more kingdoms to offer to sweeten the deal, but you seem to enjoy my other talents.
[ he crooks his fingers inside of him to demonstrate, a slick, lazy motion as he chases his kiss indulgently. could do this all night since he doesn't plan to sleep, but as he's released from the grips of pleasure and floats back down to unrelenting reality, he's thinking now of their long days spent apart, of the state he left kaz in and all the unknowns since then. he traces the bandages at his shoulder and up his neck, at his thigh, the bruises imprinted into his pale skin beside old scars and corded muscle. kaz goes too far for him every time. one person can only manufacture so much luck. better then, that this is at an end — a bitter truth he'll have to swallow down many times before he can make himself believe it. ]
What did you do to get the heart? [ how many times did he face death? how many people did he kill? a silly thing for nikolai to concern himself with when his hands are so stained with blood, but he worries all the same. what if he hadn't come back? he wants the crown to be done with sending kaz brekker on jobs like this, ravka's future be damned. he'll find another way. he always has. wet fingers pull out of him, tracing his thigh, ghosting along the softness of his cock. he leaves a damp trail along the silhouette of his torso, sketching the neat lines of his body. he's never put his mind to drawing a person before. ] You can rest now. I know you haven't taken the time to in days.
[ another fantasy, too twisted to be real, but it's what they have. he kisses him again softly, quieting any protest that kaz might think to give, tightening his arm around his waist. ] I don't know when I'll see you again. [ a quiet whisper, the unraveling of another truth he doesn't want to face. but worse than not knowing when he might see him again is the thought that kaz might shutter himself away once more, locking all of his wants into that quiet, untended place inside of him. his fingertips trace the line of his brows, skim down one sharp cheekbone. ] Regardless, you should still try and get some sun every once in a while. It suits you more than you think.