at least twenty, maybe? are you so interested in breaking me? i assure you, there's nothing but more of the same beneath the surface. i'm like an onion, but all of my layers are consistently handsome and charming. we both agree on you, clearly. oh, i would've solved it. i would describe you in detail to everyone i spoke to until someone recognized you. considering you've never been to one of my soirees, it might have taken a bit longer than expected, though. but i'm very determined once i decide to do something. and i was very taken by you right from the start.
that's a generous estimation. fifteen. and all of those layers make people weep. i'm getting the feeling your idea of me breaking you isn't the same as mine. i just think you could stand to have your self-control tested and lost for a few hours, that's all. you both agree on me in very different ways, so comparing yourself to mal is a little ridiculous. that makes two of us. it just took me a couple of minutes longer to thaw out. though i'm glad i didn't embarrass myself by trying to kiss you in your car. i considered doing it for a few seconds.
do you ever meet someone and realize you didn't even know they were exactly what you were missing in your life? that's how i feel about you. you've probably already guessed that, but just in case you haven't.
twenty-five. and they weep with joy. oh. well, then. are we talking handcuffs and blindfolds? hours, you say? let's stop talking about mal. i would've kissed you back. but i'm also a bit glad that we've held out for so long. i think it will make our moment that much sweeter. and i've gotten to know so many other adorable things about you.
i knew what i was missing. i was sort of missing it on purpose, but then you put a wrench in my plans by coming along and filling that empty space without warning. i think i've done a poor job of trying to stop it. but to be honest, i don't really want to stop it. i keep telling myself that the stars will catch me when i fall for you. and that it won't hurt.
negative two seconds. i did say hours. is that too greedy? or are you afraid you can't keep up? maybe not blindfolds. yet. i'd rather watch you look at me. i bet you would look perfect after i've teased you for hours. sorry, is talking about mal ruining the mood for you? the veranda incident must have really traumatized you. it's funny that you'd call anything about me adorable after i've threatened to punch you in a hypothetical scenario. i'm glad i didn't, though. i think i would have worried you liked me for all of the wrong reasons. but it's still been a test of my patience. accept the blame for that, nikolai.
i have a habit of coming in like a hurricane. i'm very hard to get rid of, so i wouldn't bother trying to stop it if i were you. why trust the stars for that when i'm right here? i won't let it hurt.
nothing you ask could be too greedy. is this your plan to make me blush? it sounds a bit like cheating. i just don't want to think about him. i want to think about you and these hypothetical scenarios that sound like they won't remain hypothetical for long. i certainly didn't want you to get the wrong impression. if all i wanted to do was sleep with you, we would have by now. that's just one of the things i want to do with you. is that what this is? punishment for trying your patience? you've been the very picture of poised this entire time, though it seems to have left some aggression in you. which i also don't mind, to be clear. although i'm not quite sure about losing my self control. i tend to keep my wits about me.
like a surprise meteor shower, more like. those tend to be painful depending on your proximity. i don't want you to worry about that part, though.
you really need to be being so sweet. it only makes me want to do more terrible things to you. i never claimed i would play fairly. you can admit that i've won now. you deserve to have your own patience tested after testing mine, so maybe it is a punishment. honestly, i didn't want to scare you off. or have to deal with the humiliation of you telling me no, and that i'm moving too fast. but there's only so much i can take. especially when you're a relentless flirt. if that's the case, i'll just have to find all of your weak points. considering i'm one of them, i don't think i'll have any issue testing your self-control.
maybe. but surprise meteor showers grant wishes, too. i worry about the people i care about, and i've decided to care about you. so i'll worry about that part all i want, and you'll just have to deal with that.
quite an odd reaction to being sweet, but who am i to judge? i admit nothing. we'll see about your methods. i may very well enjoy them. you could never have scared me off. the only thing i'm afraid of is spiders. are you accusing me of moving too slowly? maybe i'm an old fashioned romantic along with being a relentless flirt. sounds like a bit of a threat, but i'm still reluctant to give that up. i normally never do and it has served me well. i don't know if you've noticed, but i'm the sort that likes to think ten steps ahead.
now who's being sweet? i just meant that there's baggage that you don't need to concern yourself with. it's all very dull and unexciting.
that's me. your resident weirdo. i'm not good with pretty words like you are. i'm much better with letting actions speak for me. i think you're just deliberately trying to provoke me now. anyway, i'm sure i could do something to scare you off. maybe. no, not at all. i'm just blaming your old fashioned romanticism (which i like, don't get me wrong) for my sexual frustration. it isn't not a threat. if we're being serious and honest here, i'd never push you into something you're uncomfortable with. we can pretend i never mentioned it.
i'm never sweet. don't go around spreading lies. you've concerned yourself with my very dull and exciting baggage. everyone has baggage. whatever it is, i'll be able to handle it.
i'm interested in hearing what your actions have to say. hmm, if you came at me in the middle of the night with an ax, maybe. but that could also be the beginning of a harrowing but exciting adventure. we could go chop down a christmas tree. we must do something about that, shouldn't we? your sexual frustration, i mean. don't pretend on my account. it's just something i've never done before. giving up control just sounds a bit... unnerving. how will i regulate my very important thoughts if not with my iron will? this brain never shuts off, you know.
oh, but your baggage has rich and famous attached to it. that's the opposite of unexciting. it's nothing. truly. pretend i never mentioned it.
the both of us trying to carry a christmas tree sounds like a recipe for disaster. we'll get crushed. that depends. are you offering? is this a negotiation? you've been leaving me to deal with it on my own for awhile. here's a plan: focus your fixation and thoughts on me. it's brilliant. i know that. thank me later.
ugh. don't remind me. it's obviously something or you wouldn't have mentioned it. don't think we won't be revisiting it at some point. we will.
we would pull it along like a little sled behind us. we could negotiate sexual favors or we could just give in like two consenting adults who've been thinking about each other for some time now. have you not enjoyed dealing with it? i enjoy thinking of you dealing with it. we could try. what measure of success you might have with me, that i cannot guarantee. but if it's something you want to do, then i'm already somewhat invested.
oh, of course. i'm sure no one would notice our tree thievery. are you going to prove you aren't actually terrible in bed? maybe. a little. but i would enjoy it more if you dealt with it. if i'm not at least a little successful, i'm probably not doing something right. but if it's something you want to do, we can try. this isn't just about me.
do you believe i'm terrible in bed? mal is just jealous he's never felt the brush of my lips. i would be too if i were him. then i'll deal with it. how unromantic that sounds. it will be more romantic in bed. it wouldn't be a reflection of your skill. like i said, i've quite literally never given up control to anyone, for anything. i've heard it can be freeing, but i still have my doubts. i'm very stubborn, you know. but i've thought about it. how it might feel to not have the pressure of your own thoughts. just for a moment. i have a lot of thoughts.
it was friendly consideration. good friends don't let you sleep with people who they think might be terrible in bed. i'm trying to decide which answer will motivate you more. is it yes, or is it no? "then i'll deal with it" is probably the least poetic thing you've ever said to me, and it's still done nothing to turn me off. it'll be a little insulting if i'm naked in front of you and you start thinking about your laundry and schoolwork. i bet you never shut up even in bed. which isn't really a problem in this case. what really matters is whether you trust me or not with something like that. do you?
[ a beat and then, because 'perhaps' is the epitome of 'very stubborn' — ]
then you're very lucky to have him as a friend. i just question the basis of this wild assumption of his, is all. i'm quite motivated either way. you do an excellent job at that. i'm not sure we'll get through this bottle of cristal or even the sunrise, for that matter. well, not laundry and schoolwork, per se, but that sort of thing does happen to me frequently. not as much with you, because you tend to already take up a good chunk of my brainpower, but in general. zoya finds it incredibly irritating. the world is a better place when i speak. i do. trust you, i mean. i would trust you with this. i've never regretted telling you anything. except maybe the thing about spiders.
something about you being "stupid rich and kind of famous", so you don't have to rely on skill when you have those things to fall back on. you have to admit he has a point. if i didn't know better, i'd think you're feeling a little impatient. too bad i can't call zoya to come lecture you if you start thinking about something other than me. that would make for an awkward story. i wouldn't go that far. i do like the sound of your voice, though. good. this would end terribly if you didn't. but i'm happy that you do. it means more than you know.
a small point. minuscule, really. and it certainly doesn't apply to me, because i was an overachiever straight from the womb. well, now that we've brought up all these delightful things to ponder, yes, i am feeling a bit impatient. but i still want to see you in these rabbit ears. it's a priority. if you tell zoya my mind wandered away in the middle of a conversation, she will fill your head with awful half-truths about me. pay her no mind at all. she is basically mal. i love the sound of my voice. isn't wonderful, isn't it? it could still end terribly, but i'm sure it will make for a grand tale several months and/or years from now. at least we'll know trust had nothing to do with it. the blame will likely fall on me, in any case, but hopefully you'll still like me despite it.
i'll be the judge of that. talk is cheap, lantsov. only a bit impatient? do i need to try harder? don't worry, you'll get your wish. just don't try to drag me out into the snow while i'm wearing them tonight. are you just trying to steer me away from learning all of your embarrassing secrets? maybe i need to get zoya's number from mal after all. the number of times i've regretted telling you the truth because it inflates your ego: 501. i'm willing to take that risk. and if it does end terribly, i won't blame either of us. you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself to be good at something you've never tried before. it's not a big deal if it doesn't work out.
talk, yes. just not mine. have you forgotten what i told you about my self control already? forward desperation is simply not in my nature. i do, however, wish you were here right now. i'd probably stop the car on the side of the road and take you into the backseat. an empty road. i do respect your privacy. my whole bunny ear fantasy was in the snow, alina. it can't be helped. i prefer to curate the secrets people know about me. for example, it's fine if you know that my worst birthday was because my mother hired a clown for the party, but not fine if you know that i once flushed an entire bottle of her xanax down the toilet. she was cross with me for weeks, and in hindsight, i probably shouldn't have done that. high numbers are always best. makes me feel like i'm winning. ah, but that's one of my defining traits. i'm always good at everything the first time. i'm not sure how i'd cope if this stopped being true.
it was a joke. and not one i regret making if that's your answer to it. of course. you're a gentleman to the very end. for the record, i think i could make good use of your driver's seat, too. not just the backseat. be warned i freeze easily. you have no one else to blame when my fingers turn into ice. it's almost like your mother wanted to traumatize you from the start. a clown? really? there's a lot of things we shouldn't have done in hindsight, but we did them. i'm sure you had a reason for it. or was it just teenage rebellion? you're impossible. and no, i don't mean improbable. but that too. if i'm ever asked, i'll lie and tell people you were perfectly good at everything the first time. i'm serious, though. i wouldn't hold something like that against you.
it sounds like you want to make me crash my car but have a very enjoyable death. don't fret. i'll keep you warm. i don't remember why i did it. probably teenage rebellion.
[ it's easier to gloss it over with that. he's almost annoyed with himself that he keeps coming so close to truths that he never had any intention of sharing. something about alina just makes him want to be wholly honest, and, well. he's never been the best at being truthful — not out of malicious intent, but simple self-preservation.
he also finds himself hesitating, another irritating trait he's disused to. ]
are you experienced in that sort of thing? do you enjoy it as well?
you've caught me. whatever will i do now that you've unveiled my nefarious plan. was that the teenage phase that you never grew out of? because i have a feeling you're still a rebel at heart. you did sneak out for me.
[ it's a less confrontational reply than what immediately springs to her fingers on instinct before she reconsiders and erases it: sure you don't remember, in all of its skepticism. cornering an animal that resists entrapment has never ended well, after all, and nikolai is a slippery sort.
for now, she files it away into her folder of subjects to address at a later time, stubborn and persistent to the end. ]
i've given up control before. it's not something i mind with the right person. i just mind that it was with the wrong person who i thought was the right person at the time. but have i had anyone give up their control to me? once or twice. it's not the sort of thing you do with just anyone. does it make you feel better or worse to know that we both barely know what we're doing?
i suppose now you have no choice but to kill me. don't broadcast it. everyone else thinks i gave up rebellion in my youth. besides, the sneaking out has less to do with me being a rebel and more to do with how much i miss you.
right. how pesky of him. oh, it makes me feel much better. the worse an idea, the more i'm inclined to love it. and i'm glad to hear i'm not just anyone to you. any other sentiment would've trampled all over my feelings.
they really were right when they said the female of the species is more deadly. that's because you have everyone else fooled. somehow. can't it be both? i miss you, too. even your awful jokes that make my eyes want to roll out of my head. it's much easier to show my disapproval of them when i can see you.
pesky isn't the word i would choose when you've trusted someone that much and they end up betraying that trust. i don't know. it's complicated, and this isn't about him. my whole point is that it's difficult to place yourself in someone else's hands and expect them to take care of you. obviously you're not just anyone to me. you could never be just anyone. but nothing is stopping you from backing out except for your pride if you really think it's that terrible of an idea.
i prefer my women deadly. it makes the day far more exciting. somehow? i won't stand for this to be attributed to luck. my sparkling wit and charm are the real culprits. your expressions of affection toward my jokes are missed as well. it really isn't the same when i can't see your smiling face.
it was the first word to come to mind and i felt he didn't deserve further thought. well, if we're sharing a moment of honesty, then yes. it is quite difficult to place yourself into the care of someone else. i don't make a habit of it and the entire notion is largely unappealing. but when it's you, it becomes tolerable. exciting, even. you're not just anyone, either. i wasn't making a joke back there. i genuinely love bad ideas. anything worth doing typically starts out as one. promise me there will be many more in our future.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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are you so interested in breaking me? i assure you, there's nothing but more of the same beneath the surface. i'm like an onion, but all of my layers are consistently handsome and charming.
we both agree on you, clearly.
oh, i would've solved it. i would describe you in detail to everyone i spoke to until someone recognized you. considering you've never been to one of my soirees, it might have taken a bit longer than expected, though.
but i'm very determined once i decide to do something. and i was very taken by you right from the start.
no subject
and all of those layers make people weep.
i'm getting the feeling your idea of me breaking you isn't the same as mine.
i just think you could stand to have your self-control tested and lost for a few hours, that's all.
you both agree on me in very different ways, so comparing yourself to mal is a little ridiculous.
that makes two of us. it just took me a couple of minutes longer to thaw out.
though i'm glad i didn't embarrass myself by trying to kiss you in your car.
i considered doing it for a few seconds.
do you ever meet someone and realize you didn't even know they were exactly what you were missing in your life?
that's how i feel about you. you've probably already guessed that, but just in case you haven't.
no subject
and they weep with joy.
oh. well, then.
are we talking handcuffs and blindfolds? hours, you say?
let's stop talking about mal.
i would've kissed you back. but i'm also a bit glad that we've held out for so long. i think it will make our moment that much sweeter. and i've gotten to know so many other adorable things about you.
i knew what i was missing.
i was sort of missing it on purpose, but then you put a wrench in my plans by coming along and filling that empty space without warning. i think i've done a poor job of trying to stop it. but to be honest, i don't really want to stop it.
i keep telling myself that the stars will catch me when i fall for you. and that it won't hurt.
no subject
i did say hours. is that too greedy? or are you afraid you can't keep up?
maybe not blindfolds. yet. i'd rather watch you look at me.
i bet you would look perfect after i've teased you for hours.
sorry, is talking about mal ruining the mood for you? the veranda incident must have really traumatized you.
it's funny that you'd call anything about me adorable after i've threatened to punch you in a hypothetical scenario.
i'm glad i didn't, though. i think i would have worried you liked me for all of the wrong reasons.
but it's still been a test of my patience. accept the blame for that, nikolai.
i have a habit of coming in like a hurricane.
i'm very hard to get rid of, so i wouldn't bother trying to stop it if i were you.
why trust the stars for that when i'm right here? i won't let it hurt.
no subject
is this your plan to make me blush? it sounds a bit like cheating.
i just don't want to think about him. i want to think about you and these hypothetical scenarios that sound like they won't remain hypothetical for long.
i certainly didn't want you to get the wrong impression. if all i wanted to do was sleep with you, we would have by now. that's just one of the things i want to do with you.
is that what this is? punishment for trying your patience?
you've been the very picture of poised this entire time, though it seems to have left some aggression in you. which i also don't mind, to be clear.
although i'm not quite sure about losing my self control. i tend to keep my wits about me.
like a surprise meteor shower, more like.
those tend to be painful depending on your proximity.
i don't want you to worry about that part, though.
no subject
i never claimed i would play fairly. you can admit that i've won now.
you deserve to have your own patience tested after testing mine, so maybe it is a punishment.
honestly, i didn't want to scare you off. or have to deal with the humiliation of you telling me no, and that i'm moving too fast.
but there's only so much i can take. especially when you're a relentless flirt.
if that's the case, i'll just have to find all of your weak points.
considering i'm one of them, i don't think i'll have any issue testing your self-control.
maybe. but surprise meteor showers grant wishes, too.
i worry about the people i care about, and i've decided to care about you.
so i'll worry about that part all i want, and you'll just have to deal with that.
no subject
i admit nothing. we'll see about your methods. i may very well enjoy them.
you could never have scared me off. the only thing i'm afraid of is spiders.
are you accusing me of moving too slowly? maybe i'm an old fashioned romantic along with being a relentless flirt.
sounds like a bit of a threat, but i'm still reluctant to give that up. i normally never do and it has served me well. i don't know if you've noticed, but i'm the sort that likes to think ten steps ahead.
now who's being sweet?
i just meant that there's baggage that you don't need to concern yourself with.
it's all very dull and unexciting.
no subject
i'm not good with pretty words like you are. i'm much better with letting actions speak for me.
i think you're just deliberately trying to provoke me now.
anyway, i'm sure i could do something to scare you off. maybe.
no, not at all. i'm just blaming your old fashioned romanticism (which i like, don't get me wrong) for my sexual frustration.
it isn't not a threat.
if we're being serious and honest here, i'd never push you into something you're uncomfortable with. we can pretend i never mentioned it.
i'm never sweet. don't go around spreading lies.
you've concerned yourself with my very dull and exciting baggage.
everyone has baggage. whatever it is, i'll be able to handle it.
no subject
hmm, if you came at me in the middle of the night with an ax, maybe. but that could also be the beginning of a harrowing but exciting adventure. we could go chop down a christmas tree.
we must do something about that, shouldn't we? your sexual frustration, i mean.
don't pretend on my account. it's just something i've never done before. giving up control just sounds a bit... unnerving. how will i regulate my very important thoughts if not with my iron will? this brain never shuts off, you know.
oh, but your baggage has rich and famous attached to it. that's the opposite of unexciting.
it's nothing. truly. pretend i never mentioned it.
no subject
that depends. are you offering? is this a negotiation?
you've been leaving me to deal with it on my own for awhile.
here's a plan: focus your fixation and thoughts on me.
it's brilliant. i know that. thank me later.
ugh. don't remind me.
it's obviously something or you wouldn't have mentioned it.
don't think we won't be revisiting it at some point. we will.
no subject
we could negotiate sexual favors or we could just give in like two consenting adults who've been thinking about each other for some time now.
have you not enjoyed dealing with it? i enjoy thinking of you dealing with it.
we could try. what measure of success you might have with me, that i cannot guarantee. but if it's something you want to do, then i'm already somewhat invested.
consider both unimportant topics dropped.
no subject
are you going to prove you aren't actually terrible in bed?
maybe. a little. but i would enjoy it more if you dealt with it.
if i'm not at least a little successful, i'm probably not doing something right.
but if it's something you want to do, we can try. this isn't just about me.
for now. dropped for now.
no subject
then i'll deal with it. how unromantic that sounds. it will be more romantic in bed.
it wouldn't be a reflection of your skill. like i said, i've quite literally never given up control to anyone, for anything. i've heard it can be freeing, but i still have my doubts. i'm very stubborn, you know.
but i've thought about it. how it might feel to not have the pressure of your own thoughts. just for a moment.
i have a lot of thoughts.
mm. perhaps.
no subject
i'm trying to decide which answer will motivate you more. is it yes, or is it no?
"then i'll deal with it" is probably the least poetic thing you've ever said to me, and it's still done nothing to turn me off.
it'll be a little insulting if i'm naked in front of you and you start thinking about your laundry and schoolwork.
i bet you never shut up even in bed. which isn't really a problem in this case.
what really matters is whether you trust me or not with something like that. do you?
[ a beat and then, because 'perhaps' is the epitome of 'very stubborn' — ]
🙄
no subject
i'm quite motivated either way. you do an excellent job at that. i'm not sure we'll get through this bottle of cristal or even the sunrise, for that matter.
well, not laundry and schoolwork, per se, but that sort of thing does happen to me frequently. not as much with you, because you tend to already take up a good chunk of my brainpower, but in general. zoya finds it incredibly irritating.
the world is a better place when i speak.
i do. trust you, i mean. i would trust you with this. i've never regretted telling you anything. except maybe the thing about spiders.
no subject
you have to admit he has a point.
if i didn't know better, i'd think you're feeling a little impatient.
too bad i can't call zoya to come lecture you if you start thinking about something other than me. that would make for an awkward story.
i wouldn't go that far. i do like the sound of your voice, though.
good. this would end terribly if you didn't.
but i'm happy that you do. it means more than you know.
no subject
well, now that we've brought up all these delightful things to ponder, yes, i am feeling a bit impatient. but i still want to see you in these rabbit ears. it's a priority.
if you tell zoya my mind wandered away in the middle of a conversation, she will fill your head with awful half-truths about me. pay her no mind at all. she is basically mal.
i love the sound of my voice. isn't wonderful, isn't it?
it could still end terribly, but i'm sure it will make for a grand tale several months and/or years from now. at least we'll know trust had nothing to do with it. the blame will likely fall on me, in any case, but hopefully you'll still like me despite it.
no subject
only a bit impatient? do i need to try harder?
don't worry, you'll get your wish. just don't try to drag me out into the snow while i'm wearing them tonight.
are you just trying to steer me away from learning all of your embarrassing secrets? maybe i need to get zoya's number from mal after all.
the number of times i've regretted telling you the truth because it inflates your ego: 501.
i'm willing to take that risk. and if it does end terribly, i won't blame either of us.
you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself to be good at something you've never tried before.
it's not a big deal if it doesn't work out.
no subject
have you forgotten what i told you about my self control already? forward desperation is simply not in my nature. i do, however, wish you were here right now. i'd probably stop the car on the side of the road and take you into the backseat.
an empty road. i do respect your privacy.
my whole bunny ear fantasy was in the snow, alina. it can't be helped.
i prefer to curate the secrets people know about me. for example, it's fine if you know that my worst birthday was because my mother hired a clown for the party, but not fine if you know that i once flushed an entire bottle of her xanax down the toilet. she was cross with me for weeks, and in hindsight, i probably shouldn't have done that.
high numbers are always best. makes me feel like i'm winning.
ah, but that's one of my defining traits. i'm always good at everything the first time. i'm not sure how i'd cope if this stopped being true.
no subject
of course. you're a gentleman to the very end.
for the record, i think i could make good use of your driver's seat, too. not just the backseat.
be warned i freeze easily. you have no one else to blame when my fingers turn into ice.
it's almost like your mother wanted to traumatize you from the start. a clown? really?
there's a lot of things we shouldn't have done in hindsight, but we did them. i'm sure you had a reason for it. or was it just teenage rebellion?
you're impossible. and no, i don't mean improbable. but that too.
if i'm ever asked, i'll lie and tell people you were perfectly good at everything the first time.
i'm serious, though. i wouldn't hold something like that against you.
no subject
don't fret. i'll keep you warm.
i don't remember why i did it. probably teenage rebellion.
[ it's easier to gloss it over with that. he's almost annoyed with himself that he keeps coming so close to truths that he never had any intention of sharing. something about alina just makes him want to be wholly honest, and, well. he's never been the best at being truthful — not out of malicious intent, but simple self-preservation.
he also finds himself hesitating, another irritating trait he's disused to. ]
are you experienced in that sort of thing?
do you enjoy it as well?
no subject
was that the teenage phase that you never grew out of?
because i have a feeling you're still a rebel at heart.
you did sneak out for me.
[ it's a less confrontational reply than what immediately springs to her fingers on instinct before she reconsiders and erases it: sure you don't remember, in all of its skepticism. cornering an animal that resists entrapment has never ended well, after all, and nikolai is a slippery sort.
for now, she files it away into her folder of subjects to address at a later time, stubborn and persistent to the end. ]
i've given up control before. it's not something i mind with the right person.
i just mind that it was with the wrong person who i thought was the right person at the time.
but have i had anyone give up their control to me? once or twice.
it's not the sort of thing you do with just anyone.
does it make you feel better or worse to know that we both barely know what we're doing?
no subject
don't broadcast it. everyone else thinks i gave up rebellion in my youth.
besides, the sneaking out has less to do with me being a rebel and more to do with how much i miss you.
right. how pesky of him.
oh, it makes me feel much better.
the worse an idea, the more i'm inclined to love it.
and i'm glad to hear i'm not just anyone to you.
any other sentiment would've trampled all over my feelings.
no subject
that's because you have everyone else fooled. somehow.
can't it be both?
i miss you, too. even your awful jokes that make my eyes want to roll out of my head.
it's much easier to show my disapproval of them when i can see you.
pesky isn't the word i would choose when you've trusted someone that much and they end up betraying that trust.
i don't know. it's complicated, and this isn't about him.
my whole point is that it's difficult to place yourself in someone else's hands and expect them to take care of you.
obviously you're not just anyone to me. you could never be just anyone.
but nothing is stopping you from backing out except for your pride if you really think it's that terrible of an idea.
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somehow? i won't stand for this to be attributed to luck. my sparkling wit and charm are the real culprits.
your expressions of affection toward my jokes are missed as well. it really isn't the same when i can't see your smiling face.
it was the first word to come to mind and i felt he didn't deserve further thought.
well, if we're sharing a moment of honesty, then yes. it is quite difficult to place yourself into the care of someone else. i don't make a habit of it and the entire notion is largely unappealing.
but when it's you, it becomes tolerable. exciting, even.
you're not just anyone, either.
i wasn't making a joke back there. i genuinely love bad ideas. anything worth doing typically starts out as one.
promise me there will be many more in our future.
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