[ the issue with tossing her phone away in mortification is the aftermath: wiping away the dirt that's collected on its screen, and pretending her heart isn't lodged uncomfortably in her throat. maybe it's a cosmic joke that she's tricked herself into being too painfully honest, with the most awkward timing she could possibly find, on top of the rest of the chaos they're untangling. ]
you should know that my being furious with you doesn't change how i feel about you. it probably isn't going to be the first or last time, but it doesn't lessen anything between us. and it isn't an omen that i'm going to end up hating you, either. if you need a reminder of that, just read this text again until you understand it.
i just wish you would have realized what position you're putting me in when your plan eventually fails. knowing aleksander, it will. if i were you, i'd be planning for that instead.
i'm embarrassed enough without having to table it for later discussion or repeat it again. you don't have to say anything or tell me it's too soon. i already know that. if you like me at all and want to spare me an early death via humiliation, you'll just forget i said anything. will you hold it against me if i say i'm almost impressed by that pickup line? it was very smooth. credit where credit is due, lantsov
i'm framing it now. i think i will need the reminder.
i'm not going to keep any of this from you, but for all intents and purposes, you have to act like you know nothing. i don't want you caught between this. your history with him easily makes you the most obvious suspect for subterfuge. i don't plan on failing. besides, zoya gets incredibly cranky when she's not the best at everything. that is the worst possible outcome.
i won't say anything, then. not now. only that i hope you don't die an early death of humiliation because i'm not going to forget this. does almost impressed mean yes, you do want to see my bed?
you can hang it next to your portrait. where did you end up putting it, anyway? right above your bed? i know looking at yourself is your favorite hobby.
my position in his company already puts me in the middle of it. you don't have to worry about that part. aleksander knows all of my insubordination and subterfuge is done to his face. no one ever plans on failing, but you're underestimating him. or overestimating yourself. it's almost like you have a death wish. it's going to take a lot more than zoya's pillow talk to accomplish anything.
if you're not going to forget, i'm going to fake amnesia. who are you again? it means i might want to see your bed. go on, make me a persuasive argument.
it's the hobby dearest to my heart. i hung it in my study. most of my time tends to be spent there. i've already decided it's a valuable family heirloom.
it's impossible for me to overestimate myself, and quite unwise for anyone to underestimate zoya. she's incredibly bright and will make herself irresistible to him, not to mention she's ten times more ruthless than i am. she's already met his mother, although she says the old hag hates her immensely.
well then, you absolutely must come over so that i can remake your acquaintance. and so that i can show you how sorry i am.
if it's going to be passed on as a family heirloom, i'm going to have to redo it. future generations should know how big your head REALLY was.
when it blows up in both of your faces, remember i told you so. i'm already regretting asking you to tell me everything. i can live without comparing myself to someone as stupidly perfect as zoya. baghra has a sixth sense when it comes to people. it comes with the territory of being an old hag, i guess. maybe she'll pass on her secrets to me one day and i, too, can learn to terrorize the masses with a single look.
you have my attention. how sorry are you, exactly? i'm curious.
i've already forgotten. then don't. i'm more perfect than zoya. hmm. perhaps i should tell zoya to avoid her. charming a man is one thing, but charming a wizened old hag might not be in her wheelhouse. would you like to practice your look on me?
extremely. i thought you were going to dump me. i'm sorry enough to offer you some peace and quiet, because my mouth will be otherwise occupied.
is your second favorite hobby praising yourself? just a hunch i have.
it’s going to be very painful for you to admit i was right. too much like looking into the future for zoya? full offense meant after she broke mal’s heart.
i won’t lie to you. i considered it. you do have a very convincing mouth. it’s not fair. it’s only second favorite to finding creative ways to shut you up. targeting my weaknesses has to count as poor manners.
this is why i'm so smitten with you. you know me so well.
i'm sure she didn't break his heart. did she? i thought they were focusing more on the physical.
you did ask me to persuade you. can i ask you for something personal? a picture. not that kind. i mean, it could be that kind if you wanted, but i really just want to see your face. it suddenly feels like ages. like i blacked out for a week. i know you're cross with me, but i miss you all the same.
someone has to. who else would you try to contain your giant ego and force you to take care of yourself?
that’s what i thought until he started going on about how bouncy her hair is. maybe it was physical for her, but not for him. he really likes her. he still likes her, even after finding out she’s fucking someone else.
are you saying you don’t want to see the rest of me? that isn’t picture worthy? i’m bewildered, nikolai. i have paint and dirt in my hair. it doesn’t make for a pretty picture.
Edited (oops I forgot an icon) 2021-02-10 01:13 (UTC)
a very noble undertaking, i must say. hypothetically speaking, if i've been told to work out cues with a loved one for when i go down a rabbit hole, would that be a subject i could broach with you? hypothetically. i'm not so keen on the idea. some of my best work has been done in the proverbial rabbit hole, after all.
dear god. maybe he does have feelings. her hair is exceptionally bouncy. defies gravity, really. a pain to fall asleep with, though. i could put in a good word. or at least ask her if she really wanted to stop seeing him or if she took my comments about distractions too literally. the more i think about this, the less certain i am in how i handled things. i'm not used to thinking about zoya's relationships. she's not really a relationship person.
i want to see all parts of you that are covered in paint and dirt. i prefer my women that way. frankly speaking, i don't think it's possible for you to take a picture that's anything other than pretty.
i try. you can broach anything with me, nikolai. there’s a time and a place for falling down rabbit holes, and i need to find a way to drag you back when you fall too deep. hypothetically speaking.
i know he does. the fact he was calling her hair bouncy and not other parts made it obvious. maybe you should, but only after your meddling is over. mal doesn’t deserved to be dragged into the sphere of aleksander’s bullshit again. and then after that’s done, you can apologize to him. i figure that will be a painful enough punishment for you.
perfect princely nikolai likes tumbling around in the dirt? think of the scandal. you could see me in person. your argument was a little convincing. i’ll even send you a picture in the meantime if you want.
well. i'll think of something effective. and scientific. and not traumatizing like confiscating my devices and/or reading materials. that was my least favored suggestion.
do they know each other well? mal and aleksander. i don't see what i have to apologize for. i wasn't being malicious toward him. he never really crossed my mind during the whole thing, really. just vaguely.
perfectly princely nikolai likes anything that sends his mother into a tizzy. your carriage is on the way. would you? i do want. somehow i miss you even more knowing that i'll see you rather soon. makes the minutes even harder to bear.
i like that suggestion. maybe i could put them through the paper shredder? just for good measure.
they know each other well enough. more than they'd like to know each other. aleksander was always jealous of mal. i doubt he would ever admit that, but he was. christ, nikolai. the fact that he didn't cross your mind is the exact reason you should be apologizing. you meddled in his life, whether you want to admit it or not. it doesn't matter if it wasn't intentional.
is that what this is? late onset teenage rebellion? i hope your driver doesn't mind waiting while i wipe the filth off. keeping you waiting is a little fun, though. is that terrible? it's probably terrible. are you suffering? i need a 'yes' before i send this.
mal does seem to have a highly coveted spot in regards to you. which i am not threatened by or jealous of, to be clear. how was i to know he'd developed actual feelings? it was an honest mistake on my part, but i will talk to zoya and i will apologize to mal. and i will make a note to consider him in all of my future decisions.
it's never too late to be a rebel. the paint i understand, but why are you covered in dirt, may i ask? were you hunting for truffles? yes. greatly. i believe this level of suffering requires an entry into sainthood.
🤐 you can't blame me for trying to eliminate all of my competition for your attention.
well, you shouldn't be. you have your own highly coveted spot in regards to me. it was that easy? i was ready to argue with you for another five minutes. thank you, nik. really. it means a lot to me. maybe don't apologize to him in person, though. i can't guarantee your safety.
i could have been experimenting with running away from humanity to become a witch of the woods. genya would also have murdered me if i smoked anything inside, so there's that. don't martyr yourself, saint nikolai.
[ true to her word, messy streaks of paint cling to random strands of her hair in an array of vivid purples and soft pinks — but nothing is as great a victim as the arm she has haphazrdly covering the soft curve of her bare chest, dappled in a various palette of greens that smudge up into her shoulders, and do nothing to hide the bright smile in the picture she sends before she can think better of it. ]
i would say there's plenty of my attention to go around, but i'm not sure that's an assertion i should be making right now.
i'm glad to know exactly how many minutes of defending mal deserves. i can use this knowledge to time my apology. it will be grand, and he will likely wish i'd never opened my mouth. oh, it must be in person. otherwise how will he admire my face and know that i'm sincere?
don't tell me you've had this entire conversation high.
[ he isn't expecting a picture despite his requests, and when it does come through he spends several moments admiring her paint-splattered skin, the ache in his chest easing at the sight of her vibrant smile. ]
much. you're beautiful. and so colorful. you're all i can think about right now.
i can help you by telling you it isn't. we agreed on no lies.
so he'll be making the same wish i have on a daily basis? this is going to be another time i have to say "i told you so", isn't it. don't come crying to me when you get punched, puppy.
then i won't tell you. i'm mapping out a mural, but there's no point in painting anything if the color isn't exploding everywhere. only right now, though? what do i have to do to level up to "always"?
are you going to start making that argument? it would be a waste of time. we've already established that i win all of our arguments.
i'm going to regret telling you that, aren't i? i take it back. when i said it, i thought it was officially opposite day. good luck. it won't save you, but i'll remember pre-broken nose nikolai fondly.
never? you don't want that. you would get sick of me eventually.
i don't know if i'm willing to concede to that just yet. tonight might have been special, but all days can't be.
you can't take back your affectionate statements about me. they're carved in stone and hanging somewhere important, like the side of a grand mountain. i will need nursing and attention if mal hits me. he might also, but he can find it elsewhere.
you underestimate both me and yourself. does one get sick of the starlight?
you said i was special, which means all nights are special, which means i'll always win. see? flawless logic.
and here i thought you printed those and hung them on your wall. i could send over aleksander's mother to nurse you back to health. the agony of listening to her insult you will distract from the pain.
the sun certainly does, or it would stop rising every morning. think of how sick you'll get of me winning every argument.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
you should know that my being furious with you doesn't change how i feel about you.
it probably isn't going to be the first or last time, but it doesn't lessen anything between us.
and it isn't an omen that i'm going to end up hating you, either.
if you need a reminder of that, just read this text again until you understand it.
i just wish you would have realized what position you're putting me in when your plan eventually fails.
knowing aleksander, it will. if i were you, i'd be planning for that instead.
i'm embarrassed enough without having to table it for later discussion or repeat it again.
you don't have to say anything or tell me it's too soon. i already know that.
if you like me at all and want to spare me an early death via humiliation, you'll just forget i said anything.
will you hold it against me if i say i'm almost impressed by that pickup line?
it was very smooth. credit where credit is due, lantsov
no subject
i think i will need the reminder.
i'm not going to keep any of this from you, but for all intents and purposes, you have to act like you know nothing.
i don't want you caught between this. your history with him easily makes you the most obvious suspect for subterfuge.
i don't plan on failing.
besides, zoya gets incredibly cranky when she's not the best at everything. that is the worst possible outcome.
i won't say anything, then. not now.
only that i hope you don't die an early death of humiliation because i'm not going to forget this.
does almost impressed mean yes, you do want to see my bed?
no subject
where did you end up putting it, anyway? right above your bed? i know looking at yourself is your favorite hobby.
my position in his company already puts me in the middle of it.
you don't have to worry about that part. aleksander knows all of my insubordination and subterfuge is done to his face.
no one ever plans on failing, but you're underestimating him.
or overestimating yourself. it's almost like you have a death wish.
it's going to take a lot more than zoya's pillow talk to accomplish anything.
if you're not going to forget, i'm going to fake amnesia. who are you again?
it means i might want to see your bed. go on, make me a persuasive argument.
no subject
i hung it in my study. most of my time tends to be spent there.
i've already decided it's a valuable family heirloom.
it's impossible for me to overestimate myself, and quite unwise for anyone to underestimate zoya. she's incredibly bright and will make herself irresistible to him, not to mention she's ten times more ruthless than i am.
she's already met his mother, although she says the old hag hates her immensely.
well then, you absolutely must come over so that i can remake your acquaintance.
and so that i can show you how sorry i am.
no subject
future generations should know how big your head REALLY was.
when it blows up in both of your faces, remember i told you so.
i'm already regretting asking you to tell me everything. i can live without comparing myself to someone as stupidly perfect as zoya.
baghra has a sixth sense when it comes to people. it comes with the territory of being an old hag, i guess.
maybe she'll pass on her secrets to me one day and i, too, can learn to terrorize the masses with a single look.
you have my attention.
how sorry are you, exactly? i'm curious.
no subject
i've already forgotten.
then don't. i'm more perfect than zoya.
hmm. perhaps i should tell zoya to avoid her. charming a man is one thing, but charming a wizened old hag might not be in her wheelhouse.
would you like to practice your look on me?
extremely. i thought you were going to dump me.
i'm sorry enough to offer you some peace and quiet, because my mouth will be otherwise occupied.
no subject
just a hunch i have.
it’s going to be very painful for you to admit i was right.
too much like looking into the future for zoya?
full offense meant after she broke mal’s heart.
i won’t lie to you. i considered it.
you do have a very convincing mouth. it’s not fair.
it’s only second favorite to finding creative ways to shut you up.
targeting my weaknesses has to count as poor manners.
no subject
you know me so well.
i'm sure she didn't break his heart.
did she? i thought they were focusing more on the physical.
you did ask me to persuade you.
can i ask you for something personal?
a picture.
not that kind.
i mean, it could be that kind if you wanted, but i really just want to see your face.
it suddenly feels like ages. like i blacked out for a week.
i know you're cross with me, but i miss you all the same.
no subject
who else would you try to contain your giant ego and force you to take care of yourself?
that’s what i thought until he started going on about how bouncy her hair is.
maybe it was physical for her, but not for him.
he really likes her. he still likes her, even after finding out she’s fucking someone else.
are you saying you don’t want to see the rest of me?
that isn’t picture worthy?
i’m bewildered, nikolai.
i have paint and dirt in my hair. it doesn’t make for a pretty picture.
no subject
hypothetically speaking, if i've been told to work out cues with a loved one for when i go down a rabbit hole, would that be a subject i could broach with you?
hypothetically. i'm not so keen on the idea.
some of my best work has been done in the proverbial rabbit hole, after all.
dear god. maybe he does have feelings.
her hair is exceptionally bouncy. defies gravity, really. a pain to fall asleep with, though.
i could put in a good word. or at least ask her if she really wanted to stop seeing him or if she took my comments about distractions too literally.
the more i think about this, the less certain i am in how i handled things.
i'm not used to thinking about zoya's relationships. she's not really a relationship person.
i want to see all parts of you that are covered in paint and dirt. i prefer my women that way.
frankly speaking, i don't think it's possible for you to take a picture that's anything other than pretty.
no subject
you can broach anything with me, nikolai.
there’s a time and a place for falling down rabbit holes, and i need to find a way to drag you back when you fall too deep.
hypothetically speaking.
i know he does.
the fact he was calling her hair bouncy and not other parts made it obvious.
maybe you should, but only after your meddling is over.
mal doesn’t deserved to be dragged into the sphere of aleksander’s bullshit again.
and then after that’s done, you can apologize to him.
i figure that will be a painful enough punishment for you.
perfect princely nikolai likes tumbling around in the dirt? think of the scandal.
you could see me in person. your argument was a little convincing.
i’ll even send you a picture in the meantime if you want.
no subject
and not traumatizing like confiscating my devices and/or reading materials.
that was my least favored suggestion.
do they know each other well? mal and aleksander.
i don't see what i have to apologize for. i wasn't being malicious toward him.
he never really crossed my mind during the whole thing, really. just vaguely.
perfectly princely nikolai likes anything that sends his mother into a tizzy.
your carriage is on the way.
would you? i do want.
somehow i miss you even more knowing that i'll see you rather soon.
makes the minutes even harder to bear.
no subject
just for good measure.
they know each other well enough. more than they'd like to know each other.
aleksander was always jealous of mal. i doubt he would ever admit that, but he was.
christ, nikolai.
the fact that he didn't cross your mind is the exact reason you should be apologizing.
you meddled in his life, whether you want to admit it or not. it doesn't matter if it wasn't intentional.
is that what this is? late onset teenage rebellion?
i hope your driver doesn't mind waiting while i wipe the filth off.
keeping you waiting is a little fun, though. is that terrible?
it's probably terrible. are you suffering? i need a 'yes' before i send this.
no subject
mal does seem to have a highly coveted spot in regards to you.
which i am not threatened by or jealous of, to be clear.
how was i to know he'd developed actual feelings?
it was an honest mistake on my part, but i will talk to zoya and i will apologize to mal.
and i will make a note to consider him in all of my future decisions.
it's never too late to be a rebel.
the paint i understand, but why are you covered in dirt, may i ask? were you hunting for truffles?
yes. greatly. i believe this level of suffering requires an entry into sainthood.
no subject
you can't blame me for trying to eliminate all of my competition for your attention.
well, you shouldn't be. you have your own highly coveted spot in regards to me.
it was that easy? i was ready to argue with you for another five minutes.
thank you, nik. really. it means a lot to me.
maybe don't apologize to him in person, though. i can't guarantee your safety.
i could have been experimenting with running away from humanity to become a witch of the woods.
genya would also have murdered me if i smoked anything inside, so there's that.
don't martyr yourself, saint nikolai.
[ true to her word, messy streaks of paint cling to random strands of her hair in an array of vivid purples and soft pinks — but nothing is as great a victim as the arm she has haphazrdly covering the soft curve of her bare chest, dappled in a various palette of greens that smudge up into her shoulders, and do nothing to hide the bright smile in the picture she sends before she can think better of it. ]
better?
no subject
i'm glad to know exactly how many minutes of defending mal deserves.
i can use this knowledge to time my apology. it will be grand, and he will likely wish i'd never opened my mouth.
oh, it must be in person. otherwise how will he admire my face and know that i'm sincere?
don't tell me you've had this entire conversation high.
[ he isn't expecting a picture despite his requests, and when it does come through he spends several moments admiring her paint-splattered skin, the ache in his chest easing at the sight of her vibrant smile. ]
much.
you're beautiful. and so colorful.
you're all i can think about right now.
no subject
so he'll be making the same wish i have on a daily basis?
this is going to be another time i have to say "i told you so", isn't it.
don't come crying to me when you get punched, puppy.
then i won't tell you.
i'm mapping out a mural, but there's no point in painting anything if the color isn't exploding everywhere.
only right now, though? what do i have to do to level up to "always"?
no subject
i know that's not true. you love when i speak.
to punch someone in the middle of an apology is extremely crude. perhaps i'll start with that line.
never leave my side.
no subject
it would be a waste of time. we've already established that i win all of our arguments.
i'm going to regret telling you that, aren't i?
i take it back. when i said it, i thought it was officially opposite day.
good luck. it won't save you, but i'll remember pre-broken nose nikolai fondly.
never? you don't want that.
you would get sick of me eventually.
no subject
tonight might have been special, but all days can't be.
you can't take back your affectionate statements about me.
they're carved in stone and hanging somewhere important, like the side of a grand mountain.
i will need nursing and attention if mal hits me.
he might also, but he can find it elsewhere.
you underestimate both me and yourself.
does one get sick of the starlight?
no subject
see? flawless logic.
and here i thought you printed those and hung them on your wall.
i could send over aleksander's mother to nurse you back to health.
the agony of listening to her insult you will distract from the pain.
the sun certainly does, or it would stop rising every morning.
think of how sick you'll get of me winning every argument.