ravkas: (Default)
𝐧𝐢𝐤𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐢 𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐬𝐨𝐯 ([personal profile] ravkas) wrote2020-10-17 06:41 pm
peasant: (109)

[personal profile] peasant 2021-03-31 02:13 am (UTC)(link)
you don’t have to worry about me saying anything to spare your pride. you have enough of it for the both of us.
it’s both incredibly frustrating and impressive.

you never have to worry that i won’t tell you the truth, either.
for example, i had a brief but satisfying fantasy of tossing you into the harbor when you started feeling sorry for yourself.
my new tattoo reminds me of you, and i was going to show it to you. it would have been a more romantic gesture than destroying your furniture.
most of all, i kept looking for you everywhere before i realized you were gone.
we’re both half-brained idiots, you know. pushing each other away because we’re afraid of losing each other, when we did just that for awhile. lost each other.

if i promise to tell you, will you promise me the same? tell me if you’re unhappy, or unsure?
i’m not perfect, either. you’ll learn that soon enough.
Edited 2021-03-31 02:13 (UTC)
peasant: (Default)

[personal profile] peasant 2021-03-31 03:31 am (UTC)(link)
that only adds to my fantasy.
you would have looked very pretty while i held your head underwater.

so we’re both cowards with a habit of running away.
if you had looked more closely, you would have seen that i was still there.
and your shelf would have survived its fatal and gruesome injuries.
your coping methods might be better than mine.

i don’t know if i should.
i’m waiting until it’s too late for you to run away from me once you’ve seen it.
and, honestly, it’s going to make your ego even more insufferable.
peasant: (008)

[personal profile] peasant 2021-03-31 05:11 am (UTC)(link)
i'm not giving it back.
well, i'll give it back, but only long enough for it to smell like you again.

i hear it's bad etiquette to give away the names of my accomplices.
i'll pay the time for my crime alone. you only need to tell me what my penance will be.
can we keep the destruction of desks on the list? that should count as creating art together.

you'll see it eventually. it would be inconvenient to always leave my hair down to hide it from you.
think of all of the nights you would spend drowning and drooling in it if i did.
i'll show you, but first you need to promise you won't file for a restraining order.
peasant: (Default)

[personal profile] peasant 2021-03-31 08:25 pm (UTC)(link)
does it qualify as stealing if you're encouraging it?
you're tricking me into the thrill of stealing from you.

if i had to guess, it was probably something like the expression on his face when we left together. shocked, but mostly predictably murderous.
you should've planted cameras in his office to capture the moment for yourself. a nice memento to remember him by.
we all make mistakes. nikolai lantsov is as embarrassingly human as the rest of us peasants after all.

sorry to disappoint you. be grateful it isn't; i'm sure you'll see this as an opportunity to claim no canvas can capture your beauty.
you have two more guesses before i decide whether to take pity on you or not.
has your adoring public really never gotten your face inked into them? they seem obsessive enough.
peasant: (040)

[personal profile] peasant 2021-03-31 08:53 pm (UTC)(link)
it depends on the bad habit and how well you plead your case.
i'll be your jury, judge, and potential executioner.
so far, you've tempted me into vandalism, arson, and theft. what's next on the list?

you can be forgiven for your oversight. you were busy playing the part of my gallant rescuer.
we'll have to revisit his desk the way tourists look at war memorials and hallowed grounds.

where do you keep these headshots of yours? stashed beneath the bed for you to pull out and kiss at night?
i would've gotten your brother's name, but i didn't want to be a walking advertisement for vaseline products
or a public service announcement for the importance of practicing birth control.
surely you'll find a way to mend his heart.


[ a short pause is followed by a picture of the design, starkly black against the pale nape of her neck and messily tangled snow-white strands that have fallen to the wayside. ]

good? terrible? never talk to you again because it's as creepy as a marriage proposal from a stranger?
peasant: (070)

[personal profile] peasant 2021-03-31 09:32 pm (UTC)(link)
[ her relief is a soft exhale of breath — somehow ringing too loudly for her pounding head to tolerate. with a wince, she shifts, the quiet creak of the mattress protesting it. and to think, only a handful of hours ago, she had wanted nothing more than to sink under the sheets and never emerge to face her mortification.

it would be laughable, if it wasn't so terrifying to consider what can change, an entire future tipping on its head, in only a handful of pivotal seconds.
]

Knowing you've gotten marriage proposals makes me feel overshadowed.

[ the crackle of her voice is one that can only be blamed on the hellish slog of a hangover, but the warmth that bleeds from it is nearly a tangible thing, as though she can press it into his palm for safekeeping even from afar. ]

I would have shown you last night. [ her teeth worry her lip. it isn't a regret, so much as the uncertainty that had bubbled to the surface, so much as — ] But if you had told me you still didn't want to be with me after I had, I think I would have died from embarrassment.
peasant: (Default)

[personal profile] peasant 2021-04-01 04:38 pm (UTC)(link)
I tore down your shelf. If we make who behaved worse into a competition, we would have to call it a draw.

[ giving him that absolution doesn't feel like enough when it's stained with her own embarrassment, her own admission of wrongdoing, her own self-criticism. it distracts from the heart of her meaning, and the reminder she wants to wrap around it — i know what comes with loving you now, and i accept you as you are. ]

I don't expect you to be perfect. I'm not holding it against you, so don't hold it against yourself. [ selfishly, she finds some comfort in it — surefooted nikolai, as prone to stumbling as alina starkov. his flaws and insecurities on display for her to memorize, trace her fingers over to remember the shape of them when they appear next, to keep herself from mistaking his distance for cheery indifference. her voice softens, a reassurance. ] One obstacle at a time, Nik. I'll ask if he's heard anything from her whenever he gets back. I sent him out for food as punishment for snoring like a hibernating bear this morning.

[ her pause is stilted, considering, navigating past the nervousness that wants to bloom between her ribs. ]

How long would I be allowed to stay? I know guests who wear out their welcome usually have an expiration date.
peasant: (Default)

[personal profile] peasant 2021-04-09 04:39 am (UTC)(link)
No. [ yes. the little huff of frustrated air that crackles into the phone's speaker betrays her, unraveling a terribly spun lie. aware she's been snared by him, she doesn't bother trying to squirm her way out of it. ] How was I supposed you weren't just trying to be polite about it?

[ clingy, mal had called him, and alina had bristled — partially from offense on nikolai's behalf, and partially from disbelief, that ever-present fear of wanting more than she's wanted. it leaves her ill-prepared for his open-ended invitation, evidence of the steps she still needs to take — learning to trust, rather than allowing doubt and fear to paralyze her until she forgets to move at all. ]

So, never. I'll never get tired of looking at you. [ a twinge of anxiety slices through her chest. he isn't asking her to move in with him — but her toothbrush next to his and her art supplies scattered across his floor feels like it. maybe seizing that room in his life would bridge the distance between them, but it doesn't erase the memories of her clothes tucked into aleksander's closet and how quickly it had all fallen apart. ] I want to, but — you're not worried it's too soon for something like that?
peasant: (069)

[personal profile] peasant 2021-04-09 05:42 am (UTC)(link)
I don't like how you're always the reasonable one.

[ equipped with his practical mind, searching for solutions to any challenge he stumbles across. that, too, is a white lie from her mouth — hollow, nothing of substance at its center, if he were to investigate it. for as chaotic as the tangle of nikolai's thoughts can be, chasing after the ambitions and adventures that gleam in his peripheral, he's been a consistent, steadying presence. an anchor, when she begins to drift off and into herself.

but even as she loosens a laugh on her next breath, she recognizes nikolai's habit of sprinkling his insecurities like kernels for her to collect, hidden amongst the charm and easy wit. here and now, it's those crumbs of insisting she might tire of him, an uncanny reflection of her own fears.
]

Luckily for me, I have ways of making you look at me instead of whatever shiny surfaces you find. [ idly, she taps her fingers against the sheets, warring with her own tongue before she admits, ] I don't know if it's too soon, but I think ... it helps in showing us this isn't temporary. That you've made room for me in your life, and I've made room for you in mine. Having a physical reminder of that couldn't hurt, could it?

[ it could be a disaster, but — it could be good for them, a leap of progress she hadn't considered, if their testing phase goes smoothly. releasing her anxiety to the wind, she grasps for a deep, stabilizing breath. ]

So I'll agree to your experiment, but I have conditions. [ as though she hadn't been worried, two minutes earlier, of infringing and forcing her way into his life. though unseen, the smile seeps into her voice, a soft and basking warmth. ] You'll let me paint your walls, and you'll come to bed when I ask. I get cold without you there.
peasant: (Default)

[personal profile] peasant 2021-04-09 09:21 pm (UTC)(link)
[ she can nearly hear him begin to draft the mental blueprints in his mind. three steps ahead of her, seized by a sudden burst of energy that's simultaneously charming to watch and exhausting to imagine for herself — the permanent turning of gears, a jumble of thoughts that refuse to neatly sort themselves. but maybe, if they had direction, an outlet to pour themselves for now —

redecorating his home isn't the worst invention he could preoccupy his time with, less worrisome and plaguing than toppling aleksander's slowly crumbling enterprise. an amused hum bubbles in her throat, spilling over.
]

You're just eager for a new project, puppy. [ no, not just. that excitement does remind her of droopy ears and a wagging tail, though — despite all of her poor manners — she knows better than to make the comparison aloud. ] You don't need to build me a sunroom or studio to make me want to stay.

[ — in case that's what this is. it's overwhelming, regardless — unfamiliar, to have someone so keen to offer her their home as her own. ]

We can negotiate. [ her nose scrunches, unoffended. it would sting, if they hadn't already soothed their hands over that wound. ] Two and a half times, and then I'm free to start dragging you to bed myself.