[ heās long since abandoned his prior reading, now stretched out on the couch in his study, his phone resting on his chest and one arm slung over his eyes while he waits for her to finish reading. maybe he shouldnāt have sent it. maybe itās too much. maybe he should have waited until she wanted to see him in person. a flurry of thoughts bounce around in his skull until he finally feels a vibration just above his heart.
just those few words send a small trickle of relief through him. he wasnāt sure what he was expecting, considering how rightfully angry alina is with him, but he finds he desperately needs that kindness in this moment. ]
thank you. truly.
[ after a beat ā ]
to be honest, i only really noticed your similarities once you became furious with me. so no, iām not interested in you only because you remind me of him. but iād be lying if i didnāt admit that some of the feelings are the same. the way it feels when i see you. the butterflies. when i kiss you i feel like iām so close to touching happiness again. iām not replacing him. i know heās gone. i know youāre not him, nor would i ever ask you to be. but heās the one that taught me what love felt like. and sometimes when i look at you i feel that again. iām falling for you, alina. hard. and i canāt make myself stop.
if he was anything like me when i'm furious, then i really would have liked him.
[ only after it's too late to retrieve it does she wonder if that sentiment comes too close to grazing nikolai's raw, gaping wounds — but it's nothing more than the truth. nothing more than the sympathetic twinge in her chest, and the regret of a possibility that life has stolen. ]
thank you for telling me. but you're arrogant if you believe you can ruin my life more than aleksander already did. the only reason my name and face is out of those tabloids is because he's pulled strings and paid people off. honestly, i think he just likes the control it gives him. or he's afraid it would give me more power over him than i have. he wanted an equal on his terms, which isn't an equal at all.
i'm telling you this for a reason. he hid everything from me the entire time we were together until it was too late. his ambitions. the part he wanted me to play in them. he turned mal and i against each other. he let me believe he wanted a life with me, but you can't build a future with someone when it's founded on lies. sometimes i still try to figure out which part of it was ever real. sometimes i wonder if it even matters. what matters is that i was trapped and alone, and i drove myself crazy wondering if i was living in a fantasy the entire time. if he was using me all along. if i was a pawn in whatever mind games he liked to play.
you don't want to trap me, and i don't want to feel trapped. i know you're not him, but you can't lie to me. i can't do that to myself again. i can't have you keeping secrets this big from me, even if you know it's going to make me furious. because you're not falling alone. because i know no matter how long i'll get to love you, it'll be worth whatever comes with it. or whatever comes after it if it doesn't work.
i want to believe it will, but you can't do this again. that's how you make it right.
he would have liked you as well. i'm sure of it. i would've loved if you two could have met.
[ the old, familiar ache is back, but he turns his mind to the present instead of toward the past, wanting desperately to fix this thing between them before he loses this, too. ]
i'll tell you everything, alina. no more secrets. even when i know you're not going to like what i'm going to say. i never want to make you feel like i've trapped you into this. and i never want you to think that what we have isn't real.
a part of me didn't want to tell you because i was afraid you'd believe i was only using you to get to aleksander. i know what i did. with zoya. i know it's wrong to go about it this way and i should call the whole thing off, but i can't. i won't lie to you and say that i will. i just want you to know what you're getting into, so you can make those decisions for yourself.
can you even imagine? two people to call you on your bullshit. you would be doomed.
not telling me made me believe you were using me to get to aleksander. people who are proud of their actions usually don't have anything to hide. but if you say you aren't, i'll try to believe it. i can't lie to you and say my trust is easily earned. or re-earned.
can we go back to the part about zoya and ignore that?
i imagine it would be a more preferable death than most.
i'll remind you whenever you need to hear it. and even when you don't. i don't expect a pass. however long it takes is however long it takes. i'm not planning on going anywhere, in either case.
perhaps not ignore but temporarily file away for later discussion. i suspect i've thoroughly exhausted you by now, and i don't think my bed has seen me in a week. i don't suppose you want to see it, too?
[ the issue with tossing her phone away in mortification is the aftermath: wiping away the dirt that's collected on its screen, and pretending her heart isn't lodged uncomfortably in her throat. maybe it's a cosmic joke that she's tricked herself into being too painfully honest, with the most awkward timing she could possibly find, on top of the rest of the chaos they're untangling. ]
you should know that my being furious with you doesn't change how i feel about you. it probably isn't going to be the first or last time, but it doesn't lessen anything between us. and it isn't an omen that i'm going to end up hating you, either. if you need a reminder of that, just read this text again until you understand it.
i just wish you would have realized what position you're putting me in when your plan eventually fails. knowing aleksander, it will. if i were you, i'd be planning for that instead.
i'm embarrassed enough without having to table it for later discussion or repeat it again. you don't have to say anything or tell me it's too soon. i already know that. if you like me at all and want to spare me an early death via humiliation, you'll just forget i said anything. will you hold it against me if i say i'm almost impressed by that pickup line? it was very smooth. credit where credit is due, lantsov
i'm framing it now. i think i will need the reminder.
i'm not going to keep any of this from you, but for all intents and purposes, you have to act like you know nothing. i don't want you caught between this. your history with him easily makes you the most obvious suspect for subterfuge. i don't plan on failing. besides, zoya gets incredibly cranky when she's not the best at everything. that is the worst possible outcome.
i won't say anything, then. not now. only that i hope you don't die an early death of humiliation because i'm not going to forget this. does almost impressed mean yes, you do want to see my bed?
you can hang it next to your portrait. where did you end up putting it, anyway? right above your bed? i know looking at yourself is your favorite hobby.
my position in his company already puts me in the middle of it. you don't have to worry about that part. aleksander knows all of my insubordination and subterfuge is done to his face. no one ever plans on failing, but you're underestimating him. or overestimating yourself. it's almost like you have a death wish. it's going to take a lot more than zoya's pillow talk to accomplish anything.
if you're not going to forget, i'm going to fake amnesia. who are you again? it means i might want to see your bed. go on, make me a persuasive argument.
it's the hobby dearest to my heart. i hung it in my study. most of my time tends to be spent there. i've already decided it's a valuable family heirloom.
it's impossible for me to overestimate myself, and quite unwise for anyone to underestimate zoya. she's incredibly bright and will make herself irresistible to him, not to mention she's ten times more ruthless than i am. she's already met his mother, although she says the old hag hates her immensely.
well then, you absolutely must come over so that i can remake your acquaintance. and so that i can show you how sorry i am.
if it's going to be passed on as a family heirloom, i'm going to have to redo it. future generations should know how big your head REALLY was.
when it blows up in both of your faces, remember i told you so. i'm already regretting asking you to tell me everything. i can live without comparing myself to someone as stupidly perfect as zoya. baghra has a sixth sense when it comes to people. it comes with the territory of being an old hag, i guess. maybe she'll pass on her secrets to me one day and i, too, can learn to terrorize the masses with a single look.
you have my attention. how sorry are you, exactly? i'm curious.
i've already forgotten. then don't. i'm more perfect than zoya. hmm. perhaps i should tell zoya to avoid her. charming a man is one thing, but charming a wizened old hag might not be in her wheelhouse. would you like to practice your look on me?
extremely. i thought you were going to dump me. i'm sorry enough to offer you some peace and quiet, because my mouth will be otherwise occupied.
is your second favorite hobby praising yourself? just a hunch i have.
itās going to be very painful for you to admit i was right. too much like looking into the future for zoya? full offense meant after she broke malās heart.
i wonāt lie to you. i considered it. you do have a very convincing mouth. itās not fair. itās only second favorite to finding creative ways to shut you up. targeting my weaknesses has to count as poor manners.
this is why i'm so smitten with you. you know me so well.
i'm sure she didn't break his heart. did she? i thought they were focusing more on the physical.
you did ask me to persuade you. can i ask you for something personal? a picture. not that kind. i mean, it could be that kind if you wanted, but i really just want to see your face. it suddenly feels like ages. like i blacked out for a week. i know you're cross with me, but i miss you all the same.
someone has to. who else would you try to contain your giant ego and force you to take care of yourself?
thatās what i thought until he started going on about how bouncy her hair is. maybe it was physical for her, but not for him. he really likes her. he still likes her, even after finding out sheās fucking someone else.
are you saying you donāt want to see the rest of me? that isnāt picture worthy? iām bewildered, nikolai. i have paint and dirt in my hair. it doesnāt make for a pretty picture.
Edited (oops I forgot an icon) 2021-02-10 01:13 (UTC)
a very noble undertaking, i must say. hypothetically speaking, if i've been told to work out cues with a loved one for when i go down a rabbit hole, would that be a subject i could broach with you? hypothetically. i'm not so keen on the idea. some of my best work has been done in the proverbial rabbit hole, after all.
dear god. maybe he does have feelings. her hair is exceptionally bouncy. defies gravity, really. a pain to fall asleep with, though. i could put in a good word. or at least ask her if she really wanted to stop seeing him or if she took my comments about distractions too literally. the more i think about this, the less certain i am in how i handled things. i'm not used to thinking about zoya's relationships. she's not really a relationship person.
i want to see all parts of you that are covered in paint and dirt. i prefer my women that way. frankly speaking, i don't think it's possible for you to take a picture that's anything other than pretty.
i try. you can broach anything with me, nikolai. thereās a time and a place for falling down rabbit holes, and i need to find a way to drag you back when you fall too deep. hypothetically speaking.
i know he does. the fact he was calling her hair bouncy and not other parts made it obvious. maybe you should, but only after your meddling is over. mal doesnāt deserved to be dragged into the sphere of aleksanderās bullshit again. and then after thatās done, you can apologize to him. i figure that will be a painful enough punishment for you.
perfect princely nikolai likes tumbling around in the dirt? think of the scandal. you could see me in person. your argument was a little convincing. iāll even send you a picture in the meantime if you want.
well. i'll think of something effective. and scientific. and not traumatizing like confiscating my devices and/or reading materials. that was my least favored suggestion.
do they know each other well? mal and aleksander. i don't see what i have to apologize for. i wasn't being malicious toward him. he never really crossed my mind during the whole thing, really. just vaguely.
perfectly princely nikolai likes anything that sends his mother into a tizzy. your carriage is on the way. would you? i do want. somehow i miss you even more knowing that i'll see you rather soon. makes the minutes even harder to bear.
i like that suggestion. maybe i could put them through the paper shredder? just for good measure.
they know each other well enough. more than they'd like to know each other. aleksander was always jealous of mal. i doubt he would ever admit that, but he was. christ, nikolai. the fact that he didn't cross your mind is the exact reason you should be apologizing. you meddled in his life, whether you want to admit it or not. it doesn't matter if it wasn't intentional.
is that what this is? late onset teenage rebellion? i hope your driver doesn't mind waiting while i wipe the filth off. keeping you waiting is a little fun, though. is that terrible? it's probably terrible. are you suffering? i need a 'yes' before i send this.
mal does seem to have a highly coveted spot in regards to you. which i am not threatened by or jealous of, to be clear. how was i to know he'd developed actual feelings? it was an honest mistake on my part, but i will talk to zoya and i will apologize to mal. and i will make a note to consider him in all of my future decisions.
it's never too late to be a rebel. the paint i understand, but why are you covered in dirt, may i ask? were you hunting for truffles? yes. greatly. i believe this level of suffering requires an entry into sainthood.
š¤ you can't blame me for trying to eliminate all of my competition for your attention.
well, you shouldn't be. you have your own highly coveted spot in regards to me. it was that easy? i was ready to argue with you for another five minutes. thank you, nik. really. it means a lot to me. maybe don't apologize to him in person, though. i can't guarantee your safety.
i could have been experimenting with running away from humanity to become a witch of the woods. genya would also have murdered me if i smoked anything inside, so there's that. don't martyr yourself, saint nikolai.
[ true to her word, messy streaks of paint cling to random strands of her hair in an array of vivid purples and soft pinks — but nothing is as great a victim as the arm she has haphazrdly covering the soft curve of her bare chest, dappled in a various palette of greens that smudge up into her shoulders, and do nothing to hide the bright smile in the picture she sends before she can think better of it. ]
i would say there's plenty of my attention to go around, but i'm not sure that's an assertion i should be making right now.
i'm glad to know exactly how many minutes of defending mal deserves. i can use this knowledge to time my apology. it will be grand, and he will likely wish i'd never opened my mouth. oh, it must be in person. otherwise how will he admire my face and know that i'm sincere?
don't tell me you've had this entire conversation high.
[ he isn't expecting a picture despite his requests, and when it does come through he spends several moments admiring her paint-splattered skin, the ache in his chest easing at the sight of her vibrant smile. ]
much. you're beautiful. and so colorful. you're all i can think about right now.
i can help you by telling you it isn't. we agreed on no lies.
so he'll be making the same wish i have on a daily basis? this is going to be another time i have to say "i told you so", isn't it. don't come crying to me when you get punched, puppy.
then i won't tell you. i'm mapping out a mural, but there's no point in painting anything if the color isn't exploding everywhere. only right now, though? what do i have to do to level up to "always"?
are you going to start making that argument? it would be a waste of time. we've already established that i win all of our arguments.
i'm going to regret telling you that, aren't i? i take it back. when i said it, i thought it was officially opposite day. good luck. it won't save you, but i'll remember pre-broken nose nikolai fondly.
never? you don't want that. you would get sick of me eventually.
i don't know if i'm willing to concede to that just yet. tonight might have been special, but all days can't be.
you can't take back your affectionate statements about me. they're carved in stone and hanging somewhere important, like the side of a grand mountain. i will need nursing and attention if mal hits me. he might also, but he can find it elsewhere.
you underestimate both me and yourself. does one get sick of the starlight?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
yes good
just those few words send a small trickle of relief through him. he wasnāt sure what he was expecting, considering how rightfully angry alina is with him, but he finds he desperately needs that kindness in this moment. ]
thank you.
truly.
[ after a beat ā ]
to be honest, i only really noticed your similarities once you became furious with me.
so no, iām not interested in you only because you remind me of him.
but iād be lying if i didnāt admit that some of the feelings are the same. the way it feels when i see you. the butterflies. when i kiss you i feel like iām so close to touching happiness again.
iām not replacing him. i know heās gone. i know youāre not him, nor would i ever ask you to be.
but heās the one that taught me what love felt like. and sometimes when i look at you i feel that again.
iām falling for you, alina. hard. and i canāt make myself stop.
no subject
[ only after it's too late to retrieve it does she wonder if that sentiment comes too close to grazing nikolai's raw, gaping wounds — but it's nothing more than the truth. nothing more than the sympathetic twinge in her chest, and the regret of a possibility that life has stolen. ]
thank you for telling me.
but you're arrogant if you believe you can ruin my life more than aleksander already did.
the only reason my name and face is out of those tabloids is because he's pulled strings and paid people off.
honestly, i think he just likes the control it gives him. or he's afraid it would give me more power over him than i have.
he wanted an equal on his terms, which isn't an equal at all.
i'm telling you this for a reason.
he hid everything from me the entire time we were together until it was too late.
his ambitions. the part he wanted me to play in them.
he turned mal and i against each other.
he let me believe he wanted a life with me, but you can't build a future with someone when it's founded on lies.
sometimes i still try to figure out which part of it was ever real. sometimes i wonder if it even matters.
what matters is that i was trapped and alone, and i drove myself crazy wondering if i was living in a fantasy the entire time.
if he was using me all along. if i was a pawn in whatever mind games he liked to play.
you don't want to trap me, and i don't want to feel trapped.
i know you're not him, but you can't lie to me. i can't do that to myself again.
i can't have you keeping secrets this big from me, even if you know it's going to make me furious.
because you're not falling alone.
because i know no matter how long i'll get to love you, it'll be worth whatever comes with it.
or whatever comes after it if it doesn't work.
i want to believe it will, but you can't do this again.
that's how you make it right.
no subject
i'm sure of it.
i would've loved if you two could have met.
[ the old, familiar ache is back, but he turns his mind to the present instead of toward the past, wanting desperately to fix this thing between them before he loses this, too. ]
i'll tell you everything, alina. no more secrets.
even when i know you're not going to like what i'm going to say.
i never want to make you feel like i've trapped you into this.
and i never want you to think that what we have isn't real.
a part of me didn't want to tell you because i was afraid you'd believe i was only using you to get to aleksander.
i know what i did. with zoya. i know it's wrong to go about it this way and i should call the whole thing off, but i can't. i won't lie to you and say that i will.
i just want you to know what you're getting into, so you can make those decisions for yourself.
did you just tell me that you loved me?
no subject
you would be doomed.
not telling me made me believe you were using me to get to aleksander.
people who are proud of their actions usually don't have anything to hide.
but if you say you aren't, i'll try to believe it.
i can't lie to you and say my trust is easily earned. or re-earned.
can we go back to the part about zoya and ignore that?
no subject
i'll remind you whenever you need to hear it. and even when you don't.
i don't expect a pass. however long it takes is however long it takes.
i'm not planning on going anywhere, in either case.
perhaps not ignore but temporarily file away for later discussion.
i suspect i've thoroughly exhausted you by now, and i don't think my bed has seen me in a week.
i don't suppose you want to see it, too?
no subject
you should know that my being furious with you doesn't change how i feel about you.
it probably isn't going to be the first or last time, but it doesn't lessen anything between us.
and it isn't an omen that i'm going to end up hating you, either.
if you need a reminder of that, just read this text again until you understand it.
i just wish you would have realized what position you're putting me in when your plan eventually fails.
knowing aleksander, it will. if i were you, i'd be planning for that instead.
i'm embarrassed enough without having to table it for later discussion or repeat it again.
you don't have to say anything or tell me it's too soon. i already know that.
if you like me at all and want to spare me an early death via humiliation, you'll just forget i said anything.
will you hold it against me if i say i'm almost impressed by that pickup line?
it was very smooth. credit where credit is due, lantsov
no subject
i think i will need the reminder.
i'm not going to keep any of this from you, but for all intents and purposes, you have to act like you know nothing.
i don't want you caught between this. your history with him easily makes you the most obvious suspect for subterfuge.
i don't plan on failing.
besides, zoya gets incredibly cranky when she's not the best at everything. that is the worst possible outcome.
i won't say anything, then. not now.
only that i hope you don't die an early death of humiliation because i'm not going to forget this.
does almost impressed mean yes, you do want to see my bed?
no subject
where did you end up putting it, anyway? right above your bed? i know looking at yourself is your favorite hobby.
my position in his company already puts me in the middle of it.
you don't have to worry about that part. aleksander knows all of my insubordination and subterfuge is done to his face.
no one ever plans on failing, but you're underestimating him.
or overestimating yourself. it's almost like you have a death wish.
it's going to take a lot more than zoya's pillow talk to accomplish anything.
if you're not going to forget, i'm going to fake amnesia. who are you again?
it means i might want to see your bed. go on, make me a persuasive argument.
no subject
i hung it in my study. most of my time tends to be spent there.
i've already decided it's a valuable family heirloom.
it's impossible for me to overestimate myself, and quite unwise for anyone to underestimate zoya. she's incredibly bright and will make herself irresistible to him, not to mention she's ten times more ruthless than i am.
she's already met his mother, although she says the old hag hates her immensely.
well then, you absolutely must come over so that i can remake your acquaintance.
and so that i can show you how sorry i am.
no subject
future generations should know how big your head REALLY was.
when it blows up in both of your faces, remember i told you so.
i'm already regretting asking you to tell me everything. i can live without comparing myself to someone as stupidly perfect as zoya.
baghra has a sixth sense when it comes to people. it comes with the territory of being an old hag, i guess.
maybe she'll pass on her secrets to me one day and i, too, can learn to terrorize the masses with a single look.
you have my attention.
how sorry are you, exactly? i'm curious.
no subject
i've already forgotten.
then don't. i'm more perfect than zoya.
hmm. perhaps i should tell zoya to avoid her. charming a man is one thing, but charming a wizened old hag might not be in her wheelhouse.
would you like to practice your look on me?
extremely. i thought you were going to dump me.
i'm sorry enough to offer you some peace and quiet, because my mouth will be otherwise occupied.
no subject
just a hunch i have.
itās going to be very painful for you to admit i was right.
too much like looking into the future for zoya?
full offense meant after she broke malās heart.
i wonāt lie to you. i considered it.
you do have a very convincing mouth. itās not fair.
itās only second favorite to finding creative ways to shut you up.
targeting my weaknesses has to count as poor manners.
no subject
you know me so well.
i'm sure she didn't break his heart.
did she? i thought they were focusing more on the physical.
you did ask me to persuade you.
can i ask you for something personal?
a picture.
not that kind.
i mean, it could be that kind if you wanted, but i really just want to see your face.
it suddenly feels like ages. like i blacked out for a week.
i know you're cross with me, but i miss you all the same.
no subject
who else would you try to contain your giant ego and force you to take care of yourself?
thatās what i thought until he started going on about how bouncy her hair is.
maybe it was physical for her, but not for him.
he really likes her. he still likes her, even after finding out sheās fucking someone else.
are you saying you donāt want to see the rest of me?
that isnāt picture worthy?
iām bewildered, nikolai.
i have paint and dirt in my hair. it doesnāt make for a pretty picture.
no subject
hypothetically speaking, if i've been told to work out cues with a loved one for when i go down a rabbit hole, would that be a subject i could broach with you?
hypothetically. i'm not so keen on the idea.
some of my best work has been done in the proverbial rabbit hole, after all.
dear god. maybe he does have feelings.
her hair is exceptionally bouncy. defies gravity, really. a pain to fall asleep with, though.
i could put in a good word. or at least ask her if she really wanted to stop seeing him or if she took my comments about distractions too literally.
the more i think about this, the less certain i am in how i handled things.
i'm not used to thinking about zoya's relationships. she's not really a relationship person.
i want to see all parts of you that are covered in paint and dirt. i prefer my women that way.
frankly speaking, i don't think it's possible for you to take a picture that's anything other than pretty.
no subject
you can broach anything with me, nikolai.
thereās a time and a place for falling down rabbit holes, and i need to find a way to drag you back when you fall too deep.
hypothetically speaking.
i know he does.
the fact he was calling her hair bouncy and not other parts made it obvious.
maybe you should, but only after your meddling is over.
mal doesnāt deserved to be dragged into the sphere of aleksanderās bullshit again.
and then after thatās done, you can apologize to him.
i figure that will be a painful enough punishment for you.
perfect princely nikolai likes tumbling around in the dirt? think of the scandal.
you could see me in person. your argument was a little convincing.
iāll even send you a picture in the meantime if you want.
no subject
and not traumatizing like confiscating my devices and/or reading materials.
that was my least favored suggestion.
do they know each other well? mal and aleksander.
i don't see what i have to apologize for. i wasn't being malicious toward him.
he never really crossed my mind during the whole thing, really. just vaguely.
perfectly princely nikolai likes anything that sends his mother into a tizzy.
your carriage is on the way.
would you? i do want.
somehow i miss you even more knowing that i'll see you rather soon.
makes the minutes even harder to bear.
no subject
just for good measure.
they know each other well enough. more than they'd like to know each other.
aleksander was always jealous of mal. i doubt he would ever admit that, but he was.
christ, nikolai.
the fact that he didn't cross your mind is the exact reason you should be apologizing.
you meddled in his life, whether you want to admit it or not. it doesn't matter if it wasn't intentional.
is that what this is? late onset teenage rebellion?
i hope your driver doesn't mind waiting while i wipe the filth off.
keeping you waiting is a little fun, though. is that terrible?
it's probably terrible. are you suffering? i need a 'yes' before i send this.
no subject
mal does seem to have a highly coveted spot in regards to you.
which i am not threatened by or jealous of, to be clear.
how was i to know he'd developed actual feelings?
it was an honest mistake on my part, but i will talk to zoya and i will apologize to mal.
and i will make a note to consider him in all of my future decisions.
it's never too late to be a rebel.
the paint i understand, but why are you covered in dirt, may i ask? were you hunting for truffles?
yes. greatly. i believe this level of suffering requires an entry into sainthood.
no subject
you can't blame me for trying to eliminate all of my competition for your attention.
well, you shouldn't be. you have your own highly coveted spot in regards to me.
it was that easy? i was ready to argue with you for another five minutes.
thank you, nik. really. it means a lot to me.
maybe don't apologize to him in person, though. i can't guarantee your safety.
i could have been experimenting with running away from humanity to become a witch of the woods.
genya would also have murdered me if i smoked anything inside, so there's that.
don't martyr yourself, saint nikolai.
[ true to her word, messy streaks of paint cling to random strands of her hair in an array of vivid purples and soft pinks — but nothing is as great a victim as the arm she has haphazrdly covering the soft curve of her bare chest, dappled in a various palette of greens that smudge up into her shoulders, and do nothing to hide the bright smile in the picture she sends before she can think better of it. ]
better?
no subject
i'm glad to know exactly how many minutes of defending mal deserves.
i can use this knowledge to time my apology. it will be grand, and he will likely wish i'd never opened my mouth.
oh, it must be in person. otherwise how will he admire my face and know that i'm sincere?
don't tell me you've had this entire conversation high.
[ he isn't expecting a picture despite his requests, and when it does come through he spends several moments admiring her paint-splattered skin, the ache in his chest easing at the sight of her vibrant smile. ]
much.
you're beautiful. and so colorful.
you're all i can think about right now.
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so he'll be making the same wish i have on a daily basis?
this is going to be another time i have to say "i told you so", isn't it.
don't come crying to me when you get punched, puppy.
then i won't tell you.
i'm mapping out a mural, but there's no point in painting anything if the color isn't exploding everywhere.
only right now, though? what do i have to do to level up to "always"?
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i know that's not true. you love when i speak.
to punch someone in the middle of an apology is extremely crude. perhaps i'll start with that line.
never leave my side.
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it would be a waste of time. we've already established that i win all of our arguments.
i'm going to regret telling you that, aren't i?
i take it back. when i said it, i thought it was officially opposite day.
good luck. it won't save you, but i'll remember pre-broken nose nikolai fondly.
never? you don't want that.
you would get sick of me eventually.
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tonight might have been special, but all days can't be.
you can't take back your affectionate statements about me.
they're carved in stone and hanging somewhere important, like the side of a grand mountain.
i will need nursing and attention if mal hits me.
he might also, but he can find it elsewhere.
you underestimate both me and yourself.
does one get sick of the starlight?
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