it’s difficult. you opened this can of worms and now i can’t seem to put the lid on it.
can it be both? i think it’s both.
[ a beat, and then — ]
people. i like difficult people. not just women. although the ones with behavioral issues are my favorite kinds. i’m trying to picture someone ignoring him in person and it’s a rather comical image. his ego is almost as big as mine.
you commented on his handsomeness first. i only agreed. blame yourself for those thoughts.
do you? we have that in common. i like difficult people, too. not just men. which means you really should consider keeping me away from zoya. she might seduce me by punching your brother in the face. hurting his (larger than yours) ego does bring me a lot of joy sometimes. it's the least of what i'm owed, i think. i talk to his mother, though. aleksander has all of two redeeming qualities, and she's one of them. she's a hag. and she likes me better than she likes him.
the more i learn about you the fonder i grow. please don’t run away with zoya and leave me here with mal. that would be an unconscionable blow to my (larger) ego. oh, well, if she’s a hag then i’m sure she’s a delight. too bad about that spawn of hers. what’s the other redeeming quality?
i'm full of untapped secrets and surprises. i won't. mostly because i can't let mal have you, but also because you've convinced me zoya would eat me alive. his mother really should have just gotten rid of him and adopted me instead. it's better for own sanity if i don't tell you what the other redeeming quality is.
zoya wouldn’t eat you alive. she only eats dead things. she can be a bit abrasive, but once you get to know her, you’ll learn that her abrasion is simply her standard way of speaking. i find it very soothing at this stage of our friendship. is it that he’s wonderful in bed? i always assumed he’d be a bit selfish there.
will you still like me when she turns me into a carcass? so you can't sleep comfortably unless she's sending you violent threats. that's true friendship. funny. mal said something similar about all rich people. i'd call him driven. incendiary? let's go with that. i'm trying to spare you from graphic details that make you lose your breakfast. but it's kind of sad when i think about it. all of that talent was wasted on him.
certainly. i’ll have the best taxidermist attend to you and you’ll forever be memorialized on a wall of my study. was he talking about all rich people or was he talking specifically about me? i’m not sure how complimentary incendiary can be. but i'll have to agree with you there. i once admired him for his vision. i truly did want him to go on to do great things. i suppose that’s up to you and i now.
that would be romantic to hear if i was attracted to serial killers. he was talking about both. actually, he was talking about you, but i'm trying to keep the peace. i was also trying to have tact for once, nikolai. no one wants to hear "yeah, the sex with my ex was mind-blowing, but he sucks at everything else and i hate him." aleksander is the type of monster that's created by other people. too bad he had a million chances to change that and ruined them all. i guess it is up to us. no pressure, right?
sorry to disappoint. serial killing is not really my thing. that mal has commentary on my sex life is truly something else. he sounds almost as shameless as me. he also sounds like he has a bit of an obsession, which i can't entirely fault him for. it is me, after all. i think on most days i don't particularly want to hear about your past lovers, but morozova falls into a different category. you know what they say. know thy enemy, and all. i work best under pressure, personally speaking.
i'd say you're equally shameless, but in different ways. in his defense, he didn't randomly bring it up. in MY defense, i didn't randomly bring it up either. it was part of a much larger conversation. ps: when they said "know thy enemy", i don't think they meant learning about how he fucks. just a hunch. i can believe that. something tells me you've been working under pressure your entire life.
i don't know if i'm keen on the idea of being equals. do you have commentary on my sex life? do tell. healthy curiosity and a rampant thirst for knowledge are two of my key defining traits. nothing is off limits, not even morozova's bedroom habits. you might be right. it's why i display such diamond-like qualities. i'm sure you've noticed what a gem i am.
that better be because your pride can't handle not being superior in something, and not because i compared you to mal. i can't really have any commentary on something i know nothing about, can i? hmm, i'm not sure that rampant thirst is for knowledge if you're talking about aleksander's bedroom habits. i've also noticed you're great at deflecting with terrible jokes, but i'm letting it slide this time.
can't it be both? in theory, yes, but i find that everyone has opinions on things they know nothing about. why not this, too? i might be fixating. it's another one of my lovable habits. how angry do you think he'll be if he finds out we're so close? i assume he displays all the traits of someone terribly controlling. i'm great at everything. just a forewarning.
no, it can't be both. don't be an ass. first: am i "everyone"? second: i think this is just a trick to get me to fantasize about you. he isn't worth fixating on. you're flattering him. he'd love that. he'll be more than angry than humanly possible, but i don't want to think about his controlling habits. bad memories.
[ an understatement of the century. ]
don't lie. i remember that you admitted that you're terrible at being "as bold of a flirt as mal." aren't you so glad you're so quotable?
you're certainly not everyone. but you're not fantasizing about me? now i just feel so alone. of course. we don't have to talk about it. i only asked to begin to get ahead of this. he will eventually find out. but rest assured, alina, i'll be whatever you need me to be in that moment. you won't be alone. that's a promise. i wouldn't say i admitted to being terrible. just slightly not up to snuff in that regard. sometimes it can be quite the burden. i do love to talk.
then you'd best remember not to lump me in with them. as a "true student of the scientific method", i'm going to collect that data for myself. not right this second. i usually do all of my nikolai lantsov fantasizing on quiet, lonely nights when i have the house to myself. you're sweet. have i told you that? i'm lucky to have you. i just need you to be there for me, that's all. if you want to fight him, i won't hold you back. i was reading between the lines, and it said "terrible." which is honestly funny to me, because you've been flirting with me since the second we met.
i look forward to your findings. oh. if i was a blusher, i'd be blushing right now. i will admit that thoughts of you pop into my head at unpredictable times, so i don't have official alina starkov fantasy hours. you have, but i like to be reminded. and i'm always up for a impromptu battle of honor. have i? it's almost as if i've liked you since the second we met. isn't that curious?
i'll be sure to put them in thesis format for you. "oh." are you really that surprised? i'll take that as a challenge, by the way. especially because i have seen you blush before. it's cute. i thought your fantasy hours were "all the time" since i've been taking up real estate in your head. thank you for defending my honor. i'm not going to admit how that makes me feel. it is very curious. mostly because it took me an entire day to realize you were flirting with me and not just being, well, you.
yes and no. it's what i'd hoped to hear, but i also don't allow myself to assume too much. you must have imagined it. i'm far too shameless to blush. unofficially, yes. they are "all the time." and i will admit that you are quite distracting. i once spent an entire afternoon imagining how you'd look in earmuffs with little rabbit ears on them. your honor remains intact and needs no defending. i just wouldn't pass up an opportunity for physical confrontation with dear aleksander. truthfully, a part of me thought you were going to stuff me into a washing machine and leave me there in the first few moments of our conversation.
nikolai, i think it would have been safe to assume that i'm attracted to you. i've only been dropping very direct hints you refuse to pick up on. sure you don't. you should have no problem putting that to the test, then. is this your way of telling me i look like a rabbit?? because i was going to be flattered, and now i'm not sure if i should be insulted. oh, of course. it's just the testosterone talking. typical men. i considered it for a few seconds. more than a few seconds, actually. it's not every day someone tries to steal your washing machine.
i thought we were playing a game of hard to get. test away. i won't blush. dear god, alina. what do you have against rabbits? they're one of nature's most adorable gifts to us. they're highly intelligent and social creatures, and they make wonderful companion pets. in my head you were also extremely endearing with bunny ears. i was quite charmed. i may have a bit of pent up anger there. for the record, i never intended to steal it. i did intend to sneak my laundry in with yours if you weren't looking, though. good thing you were looking.
do you want to play a game of hard to get? because i think you're only signing yourself up to be tortured, if that's the case. we'll see about that. that's one game you won't win. i'd challenge you now, but i can't see your face. you'd just lie. i'll have to wait. they also have huge teeth. are you saying something about my teeth? just a bit. i can't blame you for that, though. in what world did you think i wouldn't notice another woman's lingerie in my laundry? zoya and i aren't even the same size. that was a horrible plan.
will you be doing the torturing? if so, show me where to sign. i would say i'm offended that you would accuse me of being untruthful, but really i'm quite pleased that you know me so well already. don't take this the wrong way, alina, but you are absolutely dreadful at accepting compliments. there is no universe in which my dreams of you laughing in the snow with fuzzy ears on your hand would be an insult. your cheeks were pink. your eyes were shining. the snowflakes complimented your hair. why would i spend an entire afternoon crafting this exquisitely pure fantasy if i didn't find myself completely enamored by it? it was not a horrible plan. its success relied greatly on my charm. i'm confident i could've pulled it off.
obviously. torturing you is my new favorite hobby. i'm starting to think you're a bit of masochist, nikolai. i can sense your mischief from miles away. plus it's less fun if i can't see you blush (which you do) in person. i don't get a lot of compliments. you're the first person i've met who is so forward with them. i don't know how to react to them. find me a pair of earmuffs and i'll make your fantasy become a reality one day. it wouldn't have been charming when you started sorting through my underwear to find zoya's bodysuit. i would have thought you were some kind of deranged thief.
for those i care for, i'm willing to endure an endless amount of suffering. perhaps i might even enjoy some of it. well, i think it's safe to say that i trump both aleksander and mal in that regard. you already knew i was special, but just take this as further confirmation of my superiority. challenge accepted. two gifts, then. am i not handsome enough to make deranged panty thief work for me? would you have called the cops? can you imagine both lantsov sons getting arrested on the same night for two wildly different reasons? i'm almost a bit sad for the missed opportunity.
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can it be both? i think it’s both.
[ a beat, and then — ]
people. i like difficult people.
not just women.
although the ones with behavioral issues are my favorite kinds.
i’m trying to picture someone ignoring him in person and it’s a rather comical image.
his ego is almost as big as mine.
no subject
do you? we have that in common. i like difficult people, too. not just men.
which means you really should consider keeping me away from zoya.
she might seduce me by punching your brother in the face.
hurting his (larger than yours) ego does bring me a lot of joy sometimes. it's the least of what i'm owed, i think.
i talk to his mother, though. aleksander has all of two redeeming qualities, and she's one of them.
she's a hag.
and she likes me better than she likes him.
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please don’t run away with zoya and leave me here with mal. that would be an unconscionable blow to my (larger) ego.
oh, well, if she’s a hag then i’m sure she’s a delight. too bad about that spawn of hers.
what’s the other redeeming quality?
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i won't. mostly because i can't let mal have you, but also because you've convinced me zoya would eat me alive.
his mother really should have just gotten rid of him and adopted me instead.
it's better for own sanity if i don't tell you what the other redeeming quality is.
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she can be a bit abrasive, but once you get to know her, you’ll learn that her abrasion is simply her standard way of speaking.
i find it very soothing at this stage of our friendship.
is it that he’s wonderful in bed?
i always assumed he’d be a bit selfish there.
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so you can't sleep comfortably unless she's sending you violent threats.
that's true friendship.
funny. mal said something similar about all rich people.
i'd call him driven. incendiary? let's go with that.
i'm trying to spare you from graphic details that make you lose your breakfast.
but it's kind of sad when i think about it. all of that talent was wasted on him.
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was he talking about all rich people or was he talking specifically about me?
i’m not sure how complimentary incendiary can be.
but i'll have to agree with you there. i once admired him for his vision. i truly did want him to go on to do great things.
i suppose that’s up to you and i now.
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he was talking about both. actually, he was talking about you, but i'm trying to keep the peace.
i was also trying to have tact for once, nikolai. no one wants to hear "yeah, the sex with my ex was mind-blowing, but he sucks at everything else and i hate him."
aleksander is the type of monster that's created by other people. too bad he had a million chances to change that and ruined them all.
i guess it is up to us. no pressure, right?
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that mal has commentary on my sex life is truly something else. he sounds almost as shameless as me.
he also sounds like he has a bit of an obsession, which i can't entirely fault him for.
it is me, after all.
i think on most days i don't particularly want to hear about your past lovers, but morozova falls into a different category. you know what they say. know thy enemy, and all.
i work best under pressure, personally speaking.
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in his defense, he didn't randomly bring it up. in MY defense, i didn't randomly bring it up either.
it was part of a much larger conversation.
ps: when they said "know thy enemy", i don't think they meant learning about how he fucks. just a hunch.
i can believe that. something tells me you've been working under pressure your entire life.
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do you have commentary on my sex life? do tell.
healthy curiosity and a rampant thirst for knowledge are two of my key defining traits. nothing is off limits, not even morozova's bedroom habits.
you might be right. it's why i display such diamond-like qualities. i'm sure you've noticed what a gem i am.
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i can't really have any commentary on something i know nothing about, can i?
hmm, i'm not sure that rampant thirst is for knowledge if you're talking about aleksander's bedroom habits.
i've also noticed you're great at deflecting with terrible jokes, but i'm letting it slide this time.
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in theory, yes, but i find that everyone has opinions on things they know nothing about. why not this, too?
i might be fixating. it's another one of my lovable habits.
how angry do you think he'll be if he finds out we're so close?
i assume he displays all the traits of someone terribly controlling.
i'm great at everything. just a forewarning.
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first: am i "everyone"? second: i think this is just a trick to get me to fantasize about you.
he isn't worth fixating on. you're flattering him. he'd love that.
he'll be more than angry than humanly possible, but i don't want to think about his controlling habits. bad memories.
[ an understatement of the century. ]
don't lie. i remember that you admitted that you're terrible at being "as bold of a flirt as mal."
aren't you so glad you're so quotable?
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but you're not fantasizing about me? now i just feel so alone.
of course. we don't have to talk about it.
i only asked to begin to get ahead of this. he will eventually find out.
but rest assured, alina, i'll be whatever you need me to be in that moment. you won't be alone. that's a promise.
i wouldn't say i admitted to being terrible. just slightly not up to snuff in that regard.
sometimes it can be quite the burden. i do love to talk.
no subject
not right this second. i usually do all of my nikolai lantsov fantasizing on quiet, lonely nights when i have the house to myself.
you're sweet. have i told you that? i'm lucky to have you.
i just need you to be there for me, that's all. if you want to fight him, i won't hold you back.
i was reading between the lines, and it said "terrible."
which is honestly funny to me, because you've been flirting with me since the second we met.
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oh. if i was a blusher, i'd be blushing right now.
i will admit that thoughts of you pop into my head at unpredictable times, so i don't have official alina starkov fantasy hours.
you have, but i like to be reminded.
and i'm always up for a impromptu battle of honor.
have i? it's almost as if i've liked you since the second we met. isn't that curious?
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"oh." are you really that surprised?
i'll take that as a challenge, by the way. especially because i have seen you blush before. it's cute.
i thought your fantasy hours were "all the time" since i've been taking up real estate in your head.
thank you for defending my honor. i'm not going to admit how that makes me feel.
it is very curious. mostly because it took me an entire day to realize you were flirting with me and not just being, well, you.
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you must have imagined it. i'm far too shameless to blush.
unofficially, yes. they are "all the time." and i will admit that you are quite distracting. i once spent an entire afternoon imagining how you'd look in earmuffs with little rabbit ears on them.
your honor remains intact and needs no defending. i just wouldn't pass up an opportunity for physical confrontation with dear aleksander.
truthfully, a part of me thought you were going to stuff me into a washing machine and leave me there in the first few moments of our conversation.
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sure you don't. you should have no problem putting that to the test, then.
is this your way of telling me i look like a rabbit?? because i was going to be flattered, and now i'm not sure if i should be insulted.
oh, of course. it's just the testosterone talking. typical men.
i considered it for a few seconds. more than a few seconds, actually.
it's not every day someone tries to steal your washing machine.
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test away. i won't blush.
dear god, alina. what do you have against rabbits? they're one of nature's most adorable gifts to us. they're highly intelligent and social creatures, and they make wonderful companion pets.
in my head you were also extremely endearing with bunny ears. i was quite charmed.
i may have a bit of pent up anger there.
for the record, i never intended to steal it. i did intend to sneak my laundry in with yours if you weren't looking, though.
good thing you were looking.
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we'll see about that. that's one game you won't win.
i'd challenge you now, but i can't see your face. you'd just lie. i'll have to wait.
they also have huge teeth. are you saying something about my teeth?
just a bit. i can't blame you for that, though.
in what world did you think i wouldn't notice another woman's lingerie in my laundry? zoya and i aren't even the same size.
that was a horrible plan.
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i would say i'm offended that you would accuse me of being untruthful, but really i'm quite pleased that you know me so well already.
don't take this the wrong way, alina, but you are absolutely dreadful at accepting compliments. there is no universe in which my dreams of you laughing in the snow with fuzzy ears on your hand would be an insult. your cheeks were pink. your eyes were shining. the snowflakes complimented your hair. why would i spend an entire afternoon crafting this exquisitely pure fantasy if i didn't find myself completely enamored by it?
it was not a horrible plan. its success relied greatly on my charm. i'm confident i could've pulled it off.
no subject
i'm starting to think you're a bit of masochist, nikolai.
i can sense your mischief from miles away. plus it's less fun if i can't see you blush (which you do) in person.
i don't get a lot of compliments. you're the first person i've met who is so forward with them. i don't know how to react to them.
find me a pair of earmuffs and i'll make your fantasy become a reality one day.
it wouldn't have been charming when you started sorting through my underwear to find zoya's bodysuit. i would have thought you were some kind of deranged thief.
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perhaps i might even enjoy some of it.
well, i think it's safe to say that i trump both aleksander and mal in that regard. you already knew i was special, but just take this as further confirmation of my superiority.
challenge accepted. two gifts, then.
am i not handsome enough to make deranged panty thief work for me? would you have called the cops? can you imagine both lantsov sons getting arrested on the same night for two wildly different reasons? i'm almost a bit sad for the missed opportunity.
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