i know. but it’s not only myself i’m thinking about. it’s gotten in the way of mal’s relationship with zoya, too. if there’s anyone that deserves to be happy after everything he’s been put through, it’s him. i don’t want that ruined for him, either. even if i don’t really like zoya lately.
you don’t owe me anything. i can handle it. i would rather do that than see you forget your way and end up like him.
you should have tried harder to keep them from sleeping together. now we can really blame your parties for something.
nothing is sacred to him. not morals. not people. not anything. as long as you have one line you won’t cross, or one thing that matters more than all of this, you’re safe. just be loyal to yourself. that’s all i’m asking. did you think i was actually comparing you both?
i don't believe you. mostly because zoya would destroy you in a fight, but because i think you want the same for her. to be happy. even if it's with someone you don't like that much, and even if the timing is inconvenient.
you could, but i've already tried to keep one man in line and you've seen how that turned out. it could end just as badly, or with you resenting me for it. i can get you a "what would alina starkov do" bracelet to remind you instead?
so inconvenient. if i was the paranoid sort i'd say they conspired against me specifically with this.
i could never resent you, starlight. even if you're indirectly involved with mal taking my best friend away from me. just by association. please do. i'll wear it with pride. you know what alina starkov should do? wear this lovely halo crown.
i actually orchestrated that entire plan so you'd have nothing else to do but pay attention to me. you're looking at a mastermind.
don't blame me when i'm also a victim in this. zoya took my emotional support best friend from me, too. i'll consult with alina starkov and see what she has to say about that. by the way? it's not fair to try to get me to wear a crown when i already feel guilty for making you think i was saying you're like aleksander.
i rather like you being my one and only distraction. everything else seems unimportant in comparison.
it seems those two are prematurely forcing us out of the nest. incredibly rude, if i must say so myself, though rude is hardly unexpected from zoya. i'm not as offended as i feel i should be. no need to feel guilty, then. but you can make me very happy with this crown. will you at least wear it for me around the house? remember, i'm tragically invested at this point.
you're going to regret those words when your phone and your projects start going mysteriously missing again.
mal hogs nests and blankets and beds and everything in-between, so maybe i should consider it a blessing. you shouldn't be offended, because that's not how i meant it. i'm not good at talking. at least take pity on me. 🥺 i'll wear anything you want around the house including crowns, if that's what's going to make you happy. maybe not at any parties, though. that's more attention than i want to deal with.
trials i must endure. they make one stronger, or however the saying goes.
did you two ever date? curious minds want to know. i reserve my pity only for motherless kittens and myself when people don't listen to me. it would make me happy. very happy. i'm happy just thinking about it. well, the sight of you in that dress and me on your arm will make enough of a statement. i'm very much looking forward to aleksander's envy. he knows better than to be rude to me in public. maybe.
using words like trial and endure almost hurts my feelings. i didn't threaten to throw them off of the veranda. that would be a trial. and really cathartic.
no. mal has never looked at me like that in his entire life. why would you ask that? technically, i am a motherless kitten. the runt of the litter, so i'll take your pity now. i'm starting to see a pattern with your happiness and my clothing. he knows better. that doesn't mean he won't murder you in some corner where no one can see. i'd stay away from being alone with him.
well, it's better than throwing them off the yacht. i suppose i should be thanking you for showing great restraint.
you mentioned beds and blankets and i wasn't sure if it was a platonic hogging or not. zoya only shares my bed on very specific and rare occasions. in any case, that sounds like his loss. you're not pitiful enough to get my pity. you must try harder. alina, please. i'm far too important to be murdered. imagine the scandal.
don't thank me just yet. there's always the koi pond. i'll make your fish accessories to my crimes.
it's just platonic hogging. i've shared my bed with mal for years. for us, that's normal. he's not losing out on anything. zoya looks like she stepped out of a magazine. he's lucky, and so is zoya. you could at least pretend to pity me. isn't that in the boyfriend handbook? like that would stop him from eviscerating you. he'll just move on to threats and tormenting you.
the fish have done nothing to you. haven't you heard that terrorizing them is how you get banned from the pleasure of my estate forever? they make the rules. not me.
hm. lucky fool that mal is. you'd be surprised. zoya has this thing about her where she feels she isn't made for the sort of fairytale love most people crave. she's the girl you take to bed, not the girl you marry. i've told her a hundred times that she's wrong, but she rarely heeds my good advice. is mal the settling down type? i think not. the handbook has been updated since you last checked. something about halo crowns and making people jealous. maybe i like that sort of attention. it excites me.
you bought me a crown and told me i should wear it in your house. i'm pretty sure that makes me queen of your estate. you can't ban a queen.
he's not a fool. don't be mean. maybe you should tell her that fairytale love isn't attainable, anyway. settling down with someone that makes you happy should be enough. for the right person. that's what he's said before, anyway. i don't think he's seeing anyone else, so she must be the right person. i'm feeling very oppressed tonight with all of these rules. you know, if you want to fuck aleksander, you can admit it. because that's what that sentence makes it sound like. i won't judge. i know the appeal better than anyone.
isn't someone that makes you happy the definition of fairytale love? i would hope he's not seeing anyone else. zoya is not above physical confrontation. she would possibly kill me for saying this, but there are parts of her that are more fragile than she likes to admit. i don't want to see her hurt. it's incredibly upsetting. if mal is really determined enough for this chase, then i'll avoid accidentally throwing any wrenches in their general direction. i don't want to fuck your ex. i imagine that's quite disappointing. all i'm saying is that i might be fond of varying forms of confrontation as well.
no. fairytale love involves princes and princesses sweeping you off of your feet "and they all lived happily ever after" where everything is perfect and magical and nothing bad ever happens to anyone. a little hypocritical for a woman who is technically seeing someone else. mal isn't going to hurt her. his heart is too big for that. you should be more worried about zoya hurting him. fondness and excitement are two different things. keep your love for danger in your pants at his party, nikolai.
nothing bad ever happens, hm? that doesn't sound like the fairytales i've read. i think fairytale love can be a bit gruesome. but it's enduring. an ever after, at least. in her defense, she is technically only pretending to see someone else. so mal has never hurt anyone of a romantic variety before? i'll be on my best behavior. i'll only bite if i'm cornered and in danger of being murdered.
maybe i've been reading the wrong ones. in her non-defense, she's fucking someone else to get information. if i was mal, i wouldn't stay. but he has. i think that says a lot about how much he likes her. i didn't say he hasn't. but he wouldn't hurt anyone on purpose. didn't you just say you were too important to be murdered? starting to doubt your invincibility, nik?
i know you don't approve. we don't have to talk about it. but if you want to disparage someone, direct it at me. not her. it certainly says a lot about something. not particularly. i'm fairly comfortable with my invincibility. you know, i've known aleksander for quite some time. not well, mind you, but i think that's an even better reason why i should have a private chat with him. nothing serious. just planting a few seeds.
stating the truth is disparaging now? fine. if you want lies about me or zoya, i'll give them to you next time. i think that's a perfect reason for not having a private chat with him. what seeds could you possibly want to plant that aren't already planted?
it was a bit crudely stated, is all. you know i don't want that. well, he hasn't seen my face in quite some time. he'll need a moment or two to admire it. and i want to assure him there are no hard feelings between us. business is business, after all, and it isn't as if my opinions on my family are a secret. those seeds. the seeds that will get me back in later.
it was honest. i'm not going to dress it up to make it sound better than what it really is. and i'm not going to pretend that you weren't trying to take a jab at me because i wouldn't have the same patience as mal if i was in his shoes. we agreed you were going for me, not for aleksander.
Edited (how do words work!!!) 2021-03-12 05:33 (UTC)
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it’s gotten in the way of mal’s relationship with zoya, too.
if there’s anyone that deserves to be happy after everything he’s been put through, it’s him.
i don’t want that ruined for him, either. even if i don’t really like zoya lately.
you don’t owe me anything. i can handle it.
i would rather do that than see you forget your way and end up like him.
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i suppose he still likes her, then?
if i ever seem aleksanderish, you'll tell me, won't you?
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i would.
you’re not him, nikolai.
but you’re playing a dangerous game, and i don’t want to see you start using his own tactics against him.
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noted. we're in agreement there.
at that point i wonder if i will have already lost.
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now we can really blame your parties for something.
nothing is sacred to him. not morals. not people. not anything.
as long as you have one line you won’t cross, or one thing that matters more than all of this, you’re safe.
just be loyal to yourself. that’s all i’m asking.
did you think i was actually comparing you both?
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i don't know.
i think about certain situations and i'm just not sure what i might do.
maybe my measure should be being loyal to you instead of myself.
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mostly because zoya would destroy you in a fight, but because i think you want the same for her.
to be happy. even if it's with someone you don't like that much, and even if the timing is inconvenient.
you could, but i've already tried to keep one man in line and you've seen how that turned out.
it could end just as badly, or with you resenting me for it.
i can get you a "what would alina starkov do" bracelet to remind you instead?
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if i was the paranoid sort i'd say they conspired against me specifically with this.
i could never resent you, starlight. even if you're indirectly involved with mal taking my best friend away from me. just by association.
please do. i'll wear it with pride.
you know what alina starkov should do? wear this lovely halo crown.
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you're looking at a mastermind.
don't blame me when i'm also a victim in this. zoya took my emotional support best friend from me, too.
i'll consult with alina starkov and see what she has to say about that.
by the way? it's not fair to try to get me to wear a crown when i already feel guilty for making you think i was saying you're like aleksander.
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everything else seems unimportant in comparison.
it seems those two are prematurely forcing us out of the nest. incredibly rude, if i must say so myself, though rude is hardly unexpected from zoya.
i'm not as offended as i feel i should be. no need to feel guilty, then.
but you can make me very happy with this crown.
will you at least wear it for me around the house? remember, i'm tragically invested at this point.
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mal hogs nests and blankets and beds and everything in-between, so maybe i should consider it a blessing.
you shouldn't be offended, because that's not how i meant it. i'm not good at talking. at least take pity on me. 🥺
i'll wear anything you want around the house including crowns, if that's what's going to make you happy.
maybe not at any parties, though. that's more attention than i want to deal with.
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did you two ever date? curious minds want to know.
i reserve my pity only for motherless kittens and myself when people don't listen to me.
it would make me happy. very happy. i'm happy just thinking about it.
well, the sight of you in that dress and me on your arm will make enough of a statement. i'm very much looking forward to aleksander's envy. he knows better than to be rude to me in public. maybe.
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i didn't threaten to throw them off of the veranda. that would be a trial.
and really cathartic.
no. mal has never looked at me like that in his entire life. why would you ask that?
technically, i am a motherless kitten. the runt of the litter, so i'll take your pity now.
i'm starting to see a pattern with your happiness and my clothing.
he knows better. that doesn't mean he won't murder you in some corner where no one can see. i'd stay away from being alone with him.
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i suppose i should be thanking you for showing great restraint.
you mentioned beds and blankets and i wasn't sure if it was a platonic hogging or not. zoya only shares my bed on very specific and rare occasions.
in any case, that sounds like his loss.
you're not pitiful enough to get my pity. you must try harder.
alina, please. i'm far too important to be murdered. imagine the scandal.
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i'll make your fish accessories to my crimes.
it's just platonic hogging.
i've shared my bed with mal for years. for us, that's normal.
he's not losing out on anything. zoya looks like she stepped out of a magazine. he's lucky, and so is zoya.
you could at least pretend to pity me. isn't that in the boyfriend handbook?
like that would stop him from eviscerating you. he'll just move on to threats and tormenting you.
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haven't you heard that terrorizing them is how you get banned from the pleasure of my estate forever?
they make the rules. not me.
hm. lucky fool that mal is.
you'd be surprised. zoya has this thing about her where she feels she isn't made for the sort of fairytale love most people crave. she's the girl you take to bed, not the girl you marry. i've told her a hundred times that she's wrong, but she rarely heeds my good advice.
is mal the settling down type?
i think not. the handbook has been updated since you last checked. something about halo crowns and making people jealous.
maybe i like that sort of attention. it excites me.
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i'm pretty sure that makes me queen of your estate. you can't ban a queen.
he's not a fool. don't be mean.
maybe you should tell her that fairytale love isn't attainable, anyway. settling down with someone that makes you happy should be enough.
for the right person. that's what he's said before, anyway. i don't think he's seeing anyone else, so she must be the right person.
i'm feeling very oppressed tonight with all of these rules.
you know, if you want to fuck aleksander, you can admit it. because that's what that sentence makes it sound like.
i won't judge. i know the appeal better than anyone.
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isn't someone that makes you happy the definition of fairytale love?
i would hope he's not seeing anyone else. zoya is not above physical confrontation.
she would possibly kill me for saying this, but there are parts of her that are more fragile than she likes to admit. i don't want to see her hurt. it's incredibly upsetting.
if mal is really determined enough for this chase, then i'll avoid accidentally throwing any wrenches in their general direction.
i don't want to fuck your ex. i imagine that's quite disappointing.
all i'm saying is that i might be fond of varying forms of confrontation as well.
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no. fairytale love involves princes and princesses sweeping you off of your feet "and they all lived happily ever after"
where everything is perfect and magical and nothing bad ever happens to anyone.
a little hypocritical for a woman who is technically seeing someone else.
mal isn't going to hurt her. his heart is too big for that. you should be more worried about zoya hurting him.
fondness and excitement are two different things. keep your love for danger in your pants at his party, nikolai.
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i think fairytale love can be a bit gruesome. but it's enduring. an ever after, at least.
in her defense, she is technically only pretending to see someone else.
so mal has never hurt anyone of a romantic variety before?
i'll be on my best behavior. i'll only bite if i'm cornered and in danger of being murdered.
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in her non-defense, she's fucking someone else to get information. if i was mal, i wouldn't stay.
but he has. i think that says a lot about how much he likes her.
i didn't say he hasn't. but he wouldn't hurt anyone on purpose.
didn't you just say you were too important to be murdered? starting to doubt your invincibility, nik?
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it certainly says a lot about something.
not particularly. i'm fairly comfortable with my invincibility. you know, i've known aleksander for quite some time. not well, mind you, but i think that's an even better reason why i should have a private chat with him. nothing serious. just planting a few seeds.
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fine. if you want lies about me or zoya, i'll give them to you next time.
i think that's a perfect reason for not having a private chat with him. what seeds could you possibly want to plant that aren't already planted?
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you know i don't want that.
well, he hasn't seen my face in quite some time. he'll need a moment or two to admire it. and i want to assure him there are no hard feelings between us. business is business, after all, and it isn't as if my opinions on my family are a secret. those seeds. the seeds that will get me back in later.
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and i'm not going to pretend that you weren't trying to take a jab at me because i wouldn't have the same patience as mal if i was in his shoes.
we agreed you were going for me, not for aleksander.
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