zoya who? it wasn't hard to be fearless. you're not particularly frightening. you're better in the enchanting department. now that would have ruined a perfectly good dinner. it had to be in the moment or not at all. it would make me look rather cherubic. perhaps you're onto something. are you all right, alina? you're nervous, aren't you?
the fact that you're still keeping secrets you don't decide to share until you absolutely have to? a 20 on the 1-10 scale.
thanks for ruining my dreams of terrorizing the population. "perfectly good" doesn't describe any of your family dinners. except for the one where your brother started choking on a chicken bone. well, it's a little like marching to our funeral. and i don't really want you to see what my relationship with aleksander is like. but most of his business partners like dealing with me more than they like dealing with him, so you'll have luck there.
his name is sturmhond. he's the part of me that needs to bend the law now and again. or meet with suspicious characters. or fly under the radar where a lantsov can't. his most jailable offense is arson, i think. but does it really count if the building belongs to your own family? it's a gray area. like accidentally setting my room on fire. like i said, he doesn't get out much. prefers to work behind a computer. he's the person i really need to be if i want to see any of my goals realized.
god, it was rather disappointing that he didn't fall out of his chair in a dramatic fashion while choking on that bone. do you think that i'll look at you differently when i do know what that relationship is like?
are we really going to talk about you in the third person? it's still you in disguise. it would have been nice to know i was dating q from james bond. you didn't think to mention this? at all? ever?
his hacking was so graceful. he's right, honestly. i chose the date the wrong lantsov. how could anyone resist his purpling face? if you don't, then you should. i'm not innocent in this, either.
i know this is going to sound ludicrous, but i don't really think about him until there's something i want to do and can't. it didn't occur to me to bring it up. i've only really employed his persona once since i met you. that was to get zoya in with aleksander.
as wonderful as it is to wax poetic about his buffoonery, i only have so many thoughts to spare on vasily. they're all used up now. in theory, i've just confessed to a crime. i personally don't think i'll look at you any differently. with more fondness, maybe. i think you're still trying to make me see some ugly side of you that doesn't exist. all your sides are exceptionally attractive.
what surprises me less than your alter-ego is that you would ever admit there's something you can't do as yourself. no? no recent urges to hack into anyone's private accounts?
in all fairness, you've confessed to a lot of crimes. if you're not harming anyone, then i'll stick to giving disapproving looks. it does exist. i think you're just being willfully blind to it. this is the first time i've brought a date that wasn't mal. i've only dragged him with me a few times. you won't get into a fist fight, but i don't expect you to like what you hear or see anyway.
the urges are always there. i deserve recognition for not causing half of the mayhem that i could. but when you're playing the long game, it means biding your time and biting your tongue.
you'll have to do a better job at showing me. do you think he'll be angry that you're seeing someone far more handsome than he is? and are you saying i'm not allowed to get into a fist fight at this very respectable event but mal was? i'm not one to let slights against the people i care about go without mention. using my words, of course. i am a gentleman, after all.
your existence is a type of mayhem all on its own. that's a compliment, if you were wondering. sort of. yeah. i have my experience with that. you know that.
i'm not sure i want to. saying he'll be angry is obvious. he doesn't like to share what belongs to him. or what he believes is rightfully his, anyway. and it makes him that much harder for me to keep him in line. aleksander likes to play games that end with mutual destruction. in mal's defense, he was owed that fistfight. you'll just have to stick to your words. you use so many of them, anyway. i know you love the sound of your own voice.
it feels like a compliment. so then you can understand some of my methods? they're unorthodox, to be sure, but they make sense to me.
does he still want you back? i've never understood the point of a game where we're both destroyed in the end. if i'm going to play, i'm going to win. you make such concessions for mal and none for me. i'm terribly wounded and the only way i'll recover is if you wear this very fashionable halo crown.
understand it? yes. endorse it? that's a lot more complicated. there has to be a better way to do what you're doing. hopefully that way has less arson.
not as much as he wants to own me. sometimes destroying yourself is worth it if it takes someone terrible out of the game. or if it keeps someone else from suffering. not that he cares about either of those things. but he knows i do. how could i when it would look so much better on you? the attention you'll get should heal your injured heart.
i will admit the arson was mostly borne of frustration. it wasn't really in the grand plan.
god, those are the worst types. the ones that think just because they saw something shine they're somehow entitled to it. i understand the sentiment but all the same i don't want you to destroy yourself. if i can find a way with less arson then you can do so as well. besides, we're doing this together. well, if we're using that logic then no one would ever get the chance to wear anything. i obviously wear everything best.
now i know it must've been terrible if you're admitting it wasn't in your plans. frustration with your family? or something else?
isn't that most men who have everything else they could ever want? when you're used to having the world, you can't stand it when you find that one thing you can't have. but it also makes you desperate enough to have a blind spot. you didn't want me involved in your games with aleksander. this is my war with him, nikolai. you can't get involved. even potato sacks?
with my father. i was trying to stop a shipment of his and couldn't. arson was the next best thing.
and you're that one thing for him. do you have a blind spot? it's true that i didn't want you involved, but now you are. didn't we say we'd stop with the secrets? i know i'm not the best person to give that particular reminder, but i'm not intentionally keeping anything from you. i don't think you'd want to hear what zoya has to say. but besides all that, are we not partners? the potato sacks are an exception due to my unfortunate burlap allergy.
oh. i'm guessing it's exactly what i think it is and not the expensive jugs of vodka he likes to drink.
mal. mal is my blind spot. i haven't done anything to help or stop whatever you and zoya are doing. i wouldn't call that involved. i'm a witness, not an accessory. pretty sure zoya is your partner in crime, anyway. so you admit there is one thing you don't wear well. i wonder if that's one of the signs of the apocalypse.
that vodka is abominable. i'd gladly set it ablaze any day. i say if you're going to be a drunkard, then at least drink something worth the drinking. i don't want my family's secrets to become mine because then they become yours. i don't want to owe you that truth.
he put the both of you through hell, didn't he? i suppose someone like him wouldn't be satisfied terrorizing just one person at a time. are you using zoya as an excuse to keep me out of this? even i have my limits. burlap is one of them.
your family’s secrets are already mine. some of them, at least. how much worse can it possibly get?
well, as the creator of hell, that’s his job. he was threatened by mal’s place in my life. if you isolate someone, you don’t have to ever worry about them choosing someone else. i don’t have to use excuses. i don’t want to risk you or zoya meddling. i haven’t meddled in your business with her and aleksander.
yes, he's written the advanced course for predators. mal doesn't seem the type to stand by while you isolate. so you expect me to stand by and do nothing while you engage in silent warfare with aleksander morozova? i'm already angry with him on several people's behalf.
good to know. bad to know, actually, but at least i won’t be blindsided when it does get worse.
he wasn’t. but it’s easy to convince someone you don’t want to see them when you have access to their phone. calling it silent warfare is really optimistic. be angry with him on their behalf, then. you’ve already started your own war with him. is it really fair to lecture me about keeping you out of things so you’ll stay safe when you’ve asked the same from me?
yes, but isn't there some prolific saying about strength and numbers? i wanted to protect you, yes. i still do. but you're already with me most of the time. i didn't want to run the risk of being found out and then something happening to zoya. i mean, she is very capable, but as a friend, it is my job to worry. all that aside, i think we're better together. maybe it isn't such a bad idea for us to share this.
there’s also just as much mutual doom and misery in numbers. we are better together. i’m just not convinced we’re better together in this. actually, i was convinced. and then you insisted you didn’t need my help. maybe i’m just feeling bitter that you only want to get involved now. you don’t want to share anything with me when it involves you, but you suddenly do when it involves me.
it was my kneejerk reaction to keep you out of all of it. there's no reason for you to care about what he did to my family. but i care about you. for many reasons. and i don't want you to be alone in this.
i care about what he does to anyone. and last i checked, you're part of your family. i have every reason to care. you're already going to be a big enough target when you show up with me. you know that. i know that. i don't want anyone else getting hurt because of something i've done. it's not fair to any of you. and i don't think i could live with the guilt. but i bet you're going to be stubborn and say you can handle it, or that it isn't my fault. that last part isn't true.
i can handle it, and it isn't your fault. what he chooses to do is not your fault. he's convinced you that you're somehow responsible for keeping all your loved ones safe from him. that you have to make choices to keep him in line at the expense of yourself. he's using that as a means to control you. i don't want to be another thing you have to burden yourself with protecting.
[ because he's right — but it isn't so easy as slipping out of her leash without fear of what's to come. without guilt for the reckoning she knows it will bring. ]
you're saying all of that now, but when he threatens your family because of me, which will you choose? their safety, or staying with me? i know the answer already, and i wouldn't ask you to choose any differently.
one day you will. but i'm with you whether you do or don't.
i won't make that choice. i want it all, and i'll have it all. besides, just because i would go to war for my family doesn't mean i particularly like them. you, on the other hand, i like every day.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
zoya who?
it wasn't hard to be fearless. you're not particularly frightening. you're better in the enchanting department.
now that would have ruined a perfectly good dinner. it had to be in the moment or not at all.
it would make me look rather cherubic. perhaps you're onto something.
are you all right, alina? you're nervous, aren't you?
no subject
a 20 on the 1-10 scale.
thanks for ruining my dreams of terrorizing the population.
"perfectly good" doesn't describe any of your family dinners. except for the one where your brother started choking on a chicken bone.
well, it's a little like marching to our funeral. and i don't really want you to see what my relationship with aleksander is like.
but most of his business partners like dealing with me more than they like dealing with him, so you'll have luck there.
no subject
his most jailable offense is arson, i think. but does it really count if the building belongs to your own family? it's a gray area. like accidentally setting my room on fire.
like i said, he doesn't get out much. prefers to work behind a computer.
he's the person i really need to be if i want to see any of my goals realized.
god, it was rather disappointing that he didn't fall out of his chair in a dramatic fashion while choking on that bone.
do you think that i'll look at you differently when i do know what that relationship is like?
no subject
it would have been nice to know i was dating q from james bond. you didn't think to mention this? at all? ever?
his hacking was so graceful. he's right, honestly. i chose the date the wrong lantsov.
how could anyone resist his purpling face?
if you don't, then you should. i'm not innocent in this, either.
no subject
it didn't occur to me to bring it up. i've only really employed his persona once since i met you. that was to get zoya in with aleksander.
as wonderful as it is to wax poetic about his buffoonery, i only have so many thoughts to spare on vasily. they're all used up now.
in theory, i've just confessed to a crime. i personally don't think i'll look at you any differently. with more fondness, maybe.
i think you're still trying to make me see some ugly side of you that doesn't exist. all your sides are exceptionally attractive.
no subject
no? no recent urges to hack into anyone's private accounts?
in all fairness, you've confessed to a lot of crimes. if you're not harming anyone, then i'll stick to giving disapproving looks.
it does exist. i think you're just being willfully blind to it.
this is the first time i've brought a date that wasn't mal. i've only dragged him with me a few times.
you won't get into a fist fight, but i don't expect you to like what you hear or see anyway.
no subject
i deserve recognition for not causing half of the mayhem that i could.
but when you're playing the long game, it means biding your time and biting your tongue.
you'll have to do a better job at showing me.
do you think he'll be angry that you're seeing someone far more handsome than he is?
and are you saying i'm not allowed to get into a fist fight at this very respectable event but mal was?
i'm not one to let slights against the people i care about go without mention.
using my words, of course. i am a gentleman, after all.
no subject
that's a compliment, if you were wondering. sort of.
yeah. i have my experience with that. you know that.
i'm not sure i want to.
saying he'll be angry is obvious. he doesn't like to share what belongs to him.
or what he believes is rightfully his, anyway.
and it makes him that much harder for me to keep him in line. aleksander likes to play games that end with mutual destruction.
in mal's defense, he was owed that fistfight. you'll just have to stick to your words.
you use so many of them, anyway. i know you love the sound of your own voice.
no subject
so then you can understand some of my methods?
they're unorthodox, to be sure, but they make sense to me.
does he still want you back?
i've never understood the point of a game where we're both destroyed in the end. if i'm going to play, i'm going to win.
you make such concessions for mal and none for me. i'm terribly wounded and the only way i'll recover is if you wear this very fashionable halo crown.
no subject
there has to be a better way to do what you're doing. hopefully that way has less arson.
not as much as he wants to own me.
sometimes destroying yourself is worth it if it takes someone terrible out of the game.
or if it keeps someone else from suffering. not that he cares about either of those things. but he knows i do.
how could i when it would look so much better on you? the attention you'll get should heal your injured heart.
no subject
it wasn't really in the grand plan.
god, those are the worst types. the ones that think just because they saw something shine they're somehow entitled to it.
i understand the sentiment but all the same i don't want you to destroy yourself. if i can find a way with less arson then you can do so as well.
besides, we're doing this together.
well, if we're using that logic then no one would ever get the chance to wear anything. i obviously wear everything best.
no subject
frustration with your family? or something else?
isn't that most men who have everything else they could ever want?
when you're used to having the world, you can't stand it when you find that one thing you can't have.
but it also makes you desperate enough to have a blind spot.
you didn't want me involved in your games with aleksander. this is my war with him, nikolai. you can't get involved.
even potato sacks?
no subject
i was trying to stop a shipment of his and couldn't. arson was the next best thing.
and you're that one thing for him.
do you have a blind spot?
it's true that i didn't want you involved, but now you are. didn't we say we'd stop with the secrets? i know i'm not the best person to give that particular reminder, but i'm not intentionally keeping anything from you. i don't think you'd want to hear what zoya has to say.
but besides all that, are we not partners?
the potato sacks are an exception due to my unfortunate burlap allergy.
no subject
i'm guessing it's exactly what i think it is and not the expensive jugs of vodka he likes to drink.
mal. mal is my blind spot.
i haven't done anything to help or stop whatever you and zoya are doing. i wouldn't call that involved.
i'm a witness, not an accessory. pretty sure zoya is your partner in crime, anyway.
so you admit there is one thing you don't wear well. i wonder if that's one of the signs of the apocalypse.
no subject
i say if you're going to be a drunkard, then at least drink something worth the drinking.
i don't want my family's secrets to become mine because then they become yours.
i don't want to owe you that truth.
he put the both of you through hell, didn't he?
i suppose someone like him wouldn't be satisfied terrorizing just one person at a time.
are you using zoya as an excuse to keep me out of this?
even i have my limits. burlap is one of them.
no subject
some of them, at least. how much worse can it possibly get?
well, as the creator of hell, that’s his job.
he was threatened by mal’s place in my life.
if you isolate someone, you don’t have to ever worry about them choosing someone else.
i don’t have to use excuses. i don’t want to risk you or zoya meddling.
i haven’t meddled in your business with her and aleksander.
no subject
yes, he's written the advanced course for predators.
mal doesn't seem the type to stand by while you isolate.
so you expect me to stand by and do nothing while you engage in silent warfare with aleksander morozova?
i'm already angry with him on several people's behalf.
no subject
bad to know, actually, but at least i won’t be blindsided when it does get worse.
he wasn’t. but it’s easy to convince someone you don’t want to see them when you have access to their phone.
calling it silent warfare is really optimistic.
be angry with him on their behalf, then. you’ve already started your own war with him.
is it really fair to lecture me about keeping you out of things so you’ll stay safe when you’ve asked the same from me?
no subject
yes, but isn't there some prolific saying about strength and numbers?
i wanted to protect you, yes. i still do. but you're already with me most of the time. i didn't want to run the risk of being found out and then something happening to zoya.
i mean, she is very capable, but as a friend, it is my job to worry.
all that aside, i think we're better together. maybe it isn't such a bad idea for us to share this.
no subject
we are better together. i’m just not convinced we’re better together in this.
actually, i was convinced. and then you insisted you didn’t need my help.
maybe i’m just feeling bitter that you only want to get involved now.
you don’t want to share anything with me when it involves you, but you suddenly do when it involves me.
no subject
but i care about you. for many reasons. and i don't want you to be alone in this.
no subject
you're already going to be a big enough target when you show up with me. you know that. i know that.
i don't want anyone else getting hurt because of something i've done. it's not fair to any of you. and i don't think i could live with the guilt.
but i bet you're going to be stubborn and say you can handle it, or that it isn't my fault. that last part isn't true.
no subject
what he chooses to do is not your fault.
he's convinced you that you're somehow responsible for keeping all your loved ones safe from him. that you have to make choices to keep him in line at the expense of yourself. he's using that as a means to control you.
i don't want to be another thing you have to burden yourself with protecting.
no subject
[ because he's right — but it isn't so easy as slipping out of her leash without fear of what's to come. without guilt for the reckoning she knows it will bring. ]
you're saying all of that now, but when he threatens your family because of me, which will you choose? their safety, or staying with me?
i know the answer already, and i wouldn't ask you to choose any differently.
no subject
but i'm with you whether you do or don't.
i won't make that choice.
i want it all, and i'll have it all.
besides, just because i would go to war for my family doesn't mean i particularly like them.
you, on the other hand, i like every day.
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)